how do i get him out of my head?
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how do i get him out of my head?
| Sun, 10-03-2004 - 8:32am |
Earlier this year i met a guy online, he lived 75kms from me and he seemed eager to do the driving. At first i was very cautious, i knew i had strong feelings for him but i didnt let my heart take over from my head, at the same time i was truely myself with this guy, possibly for the first time in my life (i am a 34, with a 9 year old daughter). He obviously was not the first serious relationship of my life.
Anyway, i truely comfortable with him and as i said was my authentic self for the first time. i didnt ever mention to him commitment or even the future, though he frequently did.
The real problem begins when he stopped calling me for a week, unusual because he rang me every night unless we were seeing each other. When he did call he almost immediatly demanded to know my feeling about the direction of the relationship, and when i tried to return the question he refused to answer. So i said yes i want a relationship, my heart was pounding, i had not dared hope that this was what he wanted, i have had so many guys dump me after 12weeks i was expecting the same from him. We agreed we needed to talk face to face to negotiate a more fair system of dividing the driving. and he spoke of how much he loved my daughter, and what we might do in the event of a future commitment. we ended the conversation with him supposed to come to my place the next day.
The next day the car broke down and he couldnt get to me, so i said i would go to his place the following day.
just as i was about to leave for his place, 2 days after he talked about relationships and commitment, he rang me. He said he couldnt do it, he had been thinking and the distance was too far (even though he always scoffed at it) He said i didnt have time, even though we hadnt really discussed what i could do to bring him more into my life, and he said he couldnt cook for me (i keep kosher, he's not jewish). At first i accepted this, but the more i think about it the more they sound like phoney excuses.
Problem is, that convesation opened a door that i cant shut, and even though it has been 2 months, i am still really in a lot of pain. He wont answer me honestly, and it seems that nothing i do gets him out of my mind. i have done everything i normaly do to get over a guy, i have been on dates, i have written all my feelings, i have cried, i have screamed, i have talked to so many people, nothing.
i cant sleep, and i am having trouble concentrating.. My logical self says get over it, move on, but i just cant seem to...
why cant i and how do i move on
Anyway, i truely comfortable with him and as i said was my authentic self for the first time. i didnt ever mention to him commitment or even the future, though he frequently did.
The real problem begins when he stopped calling me for a week, unusual because he rang me every night unless we were seeing each other. When he did call he almost immediatly demanded to know my feeling about the direction of the relationship, and when i tried to return the question he refused to answer. So i said yes i want a relationship, my heart was pounding, i had not dared hope that this was what he wanted, i have had so many guys dump me after 12weeks i was expecting the same from him. We agreed we needed to talk face to face to negotiate a more fair system of dividing the driving. and he spoke of how much he loved my daughter, and what we might do in the event of a future commitment. we ended the conversation with him supposed to come to my place the next day.
The next day the car broke down and he couldnt get to me, so i said i would go to his place the following day.
just as i was about to leave for his place, 2 days after he talked about relationships and commitment, he rang me. He said he couldnt do it, he had been thinking and the distance was too far (even though he always scoffed at it) He said i didnt have time, even though we hadnt really discussed what i could do to bring him more into my life, and he said he couldnt cook for me (i keep kosher, he's not jewish). At first i accepted this, but the more i think about it the more they sound like phoney excuses.
Problem is, that convesation opened a door that i cant shut, and even though it has been 2 months, i am still really in a lot of pain. He wont answer me honestly, and it seems that nothing i do gets him out of my mind. i have done everything i normaly do to get over a guy, i have been on dates, i have written all my feelings, i have cried, i have screamed, i have talked to so many people, nothing.
i cant sleep, and i am having trouble concentrating.. My logical self says get over it, move on, but i just cant seem to...
why cant i and how do i move on

It takes three things to get over someone: time, no contact and acceptance that it's over and that the two of you weren't right for each other. It's not clear from your post whether you're still in contact...if that's the case, you're not going to be able to move on until you cut off contact.
Sometimes I think the hardest r'ships to get over are the ones where there seemed to be so much *possibility* at the beginning, that end before they really seem to get off the ground. But all you can do is keep firmly in your mind that a man who was right for you would NOT have ended it.
I'm posting a link to a post on the Mending Broken Hearts board that may help you also:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlmendingbro&msg=9612.1
Sheri