How do I get it back on track?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
How do I get it back on track?
5
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 6:41pm

On my second outing alone with this amazing guy I'm getting to know, I got a little tipsy (thanks to the lovely champagne cocktail I had !!), we got cosy with each other, and we were kissing like crazy in the cab when he was sending me home. We've been out again, but unfortunately I ending up getting mild food poisoning and that was the end of us kissing again. We're going out again this weekend, so how on earth do I get it back on track again? I know he enjoyed kissing me (he told me I was a great kisser), and I enjoyed kissing him too, but I'm not sure how to go there again. I'm usually not shy about making the first move, but I'm extremely shy around him.

A little history about the both of us. I'm 34 and I've been single for 5 and half years, and have only recently put myself back in the dating game. He's 40 and has been divorced for 15yrs and has an 18 yr old son from that marriage (I don't have a problem with that). We were introduced by a mutual friend, and we clicked from the moment we met - the conversation and laughter flow non-stop. From what I have seen so far, he's definitely not a player, and he's been the perfect gentleman, and he treats me better than any man has. I'm not ready to rush into sex, but I would like to get a lot more cosy with him, without either one of us feeling pressured.

I've had nothing but bad luck with men, and I like that I'm behaving myself around him, I think it's because I don't want to mess things up prematurely. I have an extremely sexy/ naughty/kinky side that i would like to give him a sneak peek into, but without scaring him off, or looking like I'm trying too hard. How do I proceed?

Any advise or tips would be greatly appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 9:24pm

I'd save the naughty side for later, months down the road. It's been you second date...You kissed and you both enjoyed it and that's fine, BUT have you made other connection beside the physical one? Getting back on track the way you want will only assure one thing: he'll want to pick up where you left off and maybe go further. If you want the relaionship to have a future beside the physical part, then stop the kissing and naughty stuff and focus on other areas, such as his values and views in life. Are they compatible with yours? What's the deal with his divorce and why hasn't he tried the marriage thing again. Why have you been single for 5 years? Is he a good father involved with his children? See, there is more to a relationship, BUT if you're looking for some fun, then diregard what I previously said and jump into the kissing and naughty side of yours.

Giving him a sneak peak of your sexy/naughty side this early will only make him look for that and not for the woman in you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 9:47pm
I bet you any money that whom ever set you two up gave all the neccessary info to your new love interest. He probably knows that you have a bad girl lurking in your alter-ego and he is just chomping at the bit. Stay cool...let him get a little crazy....wait until it is totally safe to let go and then....show him who you really are....guys love a classy school teacher type in public and a private bad and nasty woman in the bedroom! Blu
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 11:32pm

Definitely agree with the other posters, save the naughty for later!

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 11:47pm

Thanks for your feedback, I do appreciate it.

As for the reason(s) he got divorced, I know one of them was because his job required him to travel a lot - I haven't gotten round to asking him if he's been in any relationship(s) since the divorce, but am planning on asking the next time we meet. And yes, he does have a great relationship with his son, and he is friends with his ex - and he did say it took a long time before that happened. To me that is a good indication of the type of man he is. I had previously met another man who is recently divorced, and he had nothing but bad things to say about his ex, and women in general, and that was a HUGE red flag for me, and of course I decided not to pursue that. He is a very very nice man, or my friend would not have introduced us.

And yes, we do have tons to talk about when we are together, and yes I am still getting to know him, and he does ask me to join him in sporty activities, and he's the one that's always asking me out, and no I don't not want to rush into the physical aspect of things yet. And it was the alcohol that loosened me up the night we kissed, but i'm more restrained when I'm sober - which is 99.9999% of the time. :-)

As for why I've been single for 5yrs - the last man i liked, let's just say he was the man that ruined me for other men, and I swore to myself that I would never ever let a man treat me like that again, and it took me that long to get over it. Yes I did meet other men during the 5 years, but they were all the wrong type of men for all the wrong reasons, and all I can say is that i gave out a lot of negative vibes and ended up attracting the exact men that I loathed. Just before I turned 34 this year, i realised that i was tired of being alone, and that i had to stop being negative about men. That was the day that i decided to stop being negative, and started giving out positive vibes, and lo and behold, I met him! I don't know where this is headed, but I do know that I'm having the time of my life, and if anything, I'm gaining a new friend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 12:04am

That's exactly what I meant. I don't want to have sex till i'm absolutely ready, even if it's months down the road. I enjoyed the kissing, and i want to do more of that, just kissing ONLY. I suppose I'll just have to be patient and wait till it happens again.

Thanks all!