how do i let go??

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
how do i let go??
3
Sun, 08-08-2004 - 12:45am
well...this is my first time here, and im still trying to learn how to work this! but i feel i am in the need for some advice and support and this seemed to be a great place to start...

my ex broke up with me nearly three months ago...and i am still not over it. up until the last couple of weeks, i tried to be his "friend" as he wanted. but - this "friendship" wasnt quite textbook normal...we would spend entire days together, cuddle in front of the tv, and once, we were intimate again. as much as i want him near me, it was very hard for me. so, in the end, i broke off our friendship.

but i still miss him incredibly so. and i cant seem to move on or get over it. i think about him literally nonstop, and i am constantly overwhelmed at my loss. i think, for me, the worse part is having that "hope" - i keep expecting that he woudl email me, call me, or something to come running back to me. but he doesnt. no matter how many times i check my cell phone or my emails or how much i just yearn for it...im still mourning alone.

for example, i knew he was at a wedding today, and the whole day, i feared that he would meet someone new. tonight, like an idiot - i blocked my number and called his cell, but ofcourse, hung up when he answered.

i dont want to feel this way. i want to be happy again. i want to let go and just be okay. any suggestions?? :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: eeksj
Sun, 08-08-2004 - 12:37pm
eeksj---

If you really want to "just let go and be okay"----JUST LET GO AND BE OKAY!

3 MONTHS is a very short time to downsize from a serious couple to just buddies! And knowing deep down inside that your "recent intimate encounter" was a non-significant event...probably made you feel lousy a few hours later?

With the weekend wedding your EX is attending, there's NO WAY you can control the people he meets and the actions he takes! You can only control YOUR OWN!

Pianoguy doesn't believe your life is so shallow that all of it revolves around this one man! So for once and for all..give yourself permission to 'lose the EX' and let the rest of the men in the world know that YOU are a woman worth getting to know!

Best wishes, warm thoughts and a few hugs from...

Pianoguy

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: eeksj
Sun, 08-08-2004 - 2:28pm
It takes three things to get over someone: time, no contact and acceptance that it's over and that the two of you aren't right for each other. By continuing to have contact with him, you kept the clock stopped on the time thing, and so it's going to take you a while still to get over him. Don't beat yourself up, though...a lot of people do this. Just realize that it's going to take a while.

Here's a link to a post on the Mending Broken Hearts board that I hope will help you:

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlmendingbro&msg=9612.1

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2004
In reply to: eeksj
Sun, 08-08-2004 - 3:49pm
I am going through the very same thing you are going through right now, we just broke up this weekend (thanks Tom for the kick in the butt that I needed to let him go). It is the hardest thing I think I ever had to go through. But all you can do is just stay busy, try to do things that you neglected while you were with him and just try new things. I have tried leaving before and I always come crawling back, I know for me letting go is not easy and I even done the blocked cell number, there is nothing that you have done that I probably haven't tried including the lets be friends which we to cuddled on the couch and had sex and eventually got back together because of it. I put up with a lot just to keep him and thanks to a message from tomdavis which I carry with me(for moments of insanity) I finally am going to move on. If you need a kick in the butt just email me and I will give it to you. Best of luck