How do I let him see me???
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| Mon, 07-26-2004 - 12:11pm |
The weekend that just pasted seemed to be an endless turns of: will he ever love, will he ever get over her, will it ever be.... Well, let me tell you, the will is slowly crawling into a hole. I recently ended a relationship with a man who was still pining for his ex. I decided for the best, that we cut communication for a while and see if we can atleast salvage a friendship when I have healed. A month passed and I thought it was time for me to get back my stuff that was left at his place and maybe have lunch to see if I'm ready to start a friendship with him. Well, needless to say lunch turned into dinner in bed. This was not what I wanted. Yes, I missed him and yes his touch against my skin felt so nice, but I didn't want to go there with him. I wanted us to have a seperation, I needed for him to get over his ex-girlfriend. I didn't want to be "the rebound", the "inbetween girl", I wanted to be the real thing. I wanted him to finally left that hazed of memories of the past and see that there is a future with me. In the year and a half of knowing him, I always knew he was going through a difficult brake up. Because his ex was much older than he was, he decided to brake it off with her because he wasn't ready to get married. He keeps saying he's trying to get over her, but I just don't see the effort. He still gets his mail at her place, he has some of her stuff and they own a property together.
Well, when he left on Saturday after the dinner in bed. I felt so betrayed. He was the one who's been calling and telling me he really respect me and care about me and that he feels like he's losing his best friend. Why would he used me in that major if what he's saying is geniune. He knows I love him, he knew I was vulernable. We talked a couple of hours later and I told him that we can start being friends when he finally retuns all of his ex's belong and sell his portion of the property. For once, I didn't feel guilty for putting my feelings first. Don't go telling me you want to get over her and but yet make no effort. Stop listening to love about reunited ex'es and start opening up yourself for love again.
i truely miss him but I miss who I am. I would like to hold some dignity and maybe one day, when I smile I will truely be happy again.

I am sorry for what you are going through. It is tough to love someone who still has feelings for someone else; worse yet when you give in to your emotions and find yourself having 'dinner in bed'. He knew you were vulnerable and went for it anyway... well that's not unusual.. While there are guys out there that wouldn't take advantage of a vulnerable woman, many will in order to get the end result and frankly it doesn't sound like you put a lot of effort into getting him not to go there, so because you consented he may not view it as using you, he may view it as a mutual agreement for a nice time. It's not easy when you care for someone but you have to not do it again. If you know that his coming over may end up in bed again, don't have him come over. If it is meant to be and if he is to return to you, he won't do it if he is getting what he would normally get out of a monogamous boy/girlfriend relationship... why would they take it to the next level if they don't have to? Best to you in whatever course of action you decide to take. Lucy
I know from experience... take this to heart....we are all human and sometimes we do things in the heat of the moment that feel right, but hurt us later. Don't bash yourself or him for what happened (I.e. bed)--you both went there--he did not chain you down right? Its just that when you already have emotions for him--this keeps taking you deeper and deeper into feelings for him and probably confuses you. And with the ex thing--that doubles the pain.
He is not over his ex and will never be. Be it man or women, always 95% of the time go running back to the ex after a period of time for more validation and sex. You dont know what you have till its gone
You and him can never form a friendship because the both of you still and always will have feelings for eachother. It wont work. When i dump a women, i never ever ever contact her again, nor give her closure at all. No friendship or anything. Once i am done with her, its over! =)
I'm fully aware what happened and yes it shouldn't have. But trust me, these things are never planned, well atleast for me it wasn't. I went into this with good intentions. If you leave the sex and emotions out of it, we were really good friends. And after a month of not seeing him (we talked almost everyday), I was sure we can build a platonic relationship. He came over to dropped off the rest of my belongs. We went to grab a bite to eat. He came back to help my room mate with his computer. And from there it was a haze of event.
On the basis of friendship, I am friends with most of my exes, so yes I believe a friendship can occur. Will it happen this time? Who knows. All I know is there are some people who I just don't want to lose contact. I had wonderful exes in my life and I rather maintain friends with them then lose them all together. But yes, sometimes this will not work so you make a discussion to brake all communication. And maybe you are right, we will always have feelings for each other and it won't work out. I guess only time can tell. I'm doing my best to keep myself sane, so I have decided to not contact him knowing that he's currently dating.
Personally, it seems you have some issue you need to let go of.
But I do appreciate you input.