How do I make guys like me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2011
How do I make guys like me?
5
Thu, 11-22-2012 - 4:05pm

Hi everyone, I am 20 years old and I really have trouble getting a boyfriend or meeting the right person.

I know this sounds prosy, but I mean it. I have only dated once in my life and it was with the help of a friend of mine, and it lasted...12 days. Ι know i am not the kind of girl every guy will run after, but I take care of myself, I eat healthy, I exercise and I know I can look pretty cute when I want. The last two years that I go to uni, I always expected that I was going to date guys exc. but nothing ever happened...Guys approached me during nights out and everything was going fine, we exchanged numbers, sometimes we went on a date but after a while they just disappear. All this happened with 4 different guys! I don't think that I am awkwaard or anything, truth is that I am a person who likes conversations, so I don't play easily flirty, but I am always smiling and trying to be nice. I often concluded that meeting guys in night blubs isn't really for me, since I don't go out a lot and they probably aren't my type of guy...But where else can I meet guys and start a conversation? Some other guys that I met they immediately friendzoned me...I find it very difficult to show more than friendly interest without seeming obsessed....Now, I have a crush over a boy ,he is the brother of a friend of mine and we immediately became very good friends. I though we really matched, we always talked for hours and I know he was having fun because he always complimented me on how intelligent I was and sometimes on my looks, too. But he never really called me, it was always me who did the first step...and today we were suppose to eat together, the 2 of us, at mine, and the last minute he told me he isn't gonna come, with the most natural voice ever. I guess I am friendzoned again...why can't he see me like more than just friends?

All of this really makes me sad, since I am very romantic person and always dreamed of having a serious relationship, sharing a normal, cosy life with the one I love. And my life is everything except this...all my friends are getting in couples so I am starting to questioning myself what I do wrong, that's why I am writing here. I don't need advices such as ''be yourself'' or ''look good'', but if any experienced in relationships girl (or guy) knows a bit more on how to make guys like you, or maybe guess what I do wrong, I am really willing to hear it! (or better, read it!)

Thanks a lot.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Fri, 11-23-2012 - 2:44am

At age 20, you are still young. Sometimes, it takes time to meet the right person. I only had my first serious relationship at age 28 and only married the first time at age 44.

Dale Carnegie in his classic book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, placed great emphasis on listening skills. You want to get guys talking about themselves and you want to appear interested in what they have to say.

Also, I would get feedback from your friends who have seen you in action. They know things about you I can't know online. You can't ask a male friend why he isn't interested in you, but you can ask his advice on how to be more appealing to men.

Otherwise, give things more time. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 11-23-2012 - 9:43am

I agree that it's really not possible for people who don't know you to know if you're doing anything wrong.  You might ask your close GFs for opinions.  But just because you've met certain guys who only took you on a date or 2 and then nothing happened doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you--you just haven't met the right guy yet.  I did have a couple of BFs in high school, nothing at all in college!, then right after I met a guy I dated for over a year and then I met my exH when I was just about 25--it was just all luck that I had those serious relationships.  It wasn't that I was one way in college and then something changed after college.  I would say that if you don't like to go to bars or clubs, that being in uni is such a great opportunity to meet people--there are tons of guys your own age around.  Talk to guys in class or join some kind of club that interests you, play a sport, act in a play, join a political group--in short, do something that you are interested in anyway and you'll meet men who share your interest so that's the most natural way to meet people.  Or you could get a part time job, ask your friends who have BFs if their BFs know any single guys to fix you up with, etc.

But don't start thinking that just cause you have a lot of friends who are in couples that you must get a BF right away--then you'd be more likely to end up with a guy who's wrong for you just so you can have someone, or you'll go on 2 dates and then start being super clingly with the guy cause you want to turn him into instant BF--that's a sure way to turn off a young man.

It sounds like a cliche to say enjoy your freedom while you're young, but it's true.  I have a 23 yr old DD who has a long distance BF (don't know how long that's going to last--I think she's getting tired of it even though she likes him).  She already graduated from college & has a job, but she has her own apt, she has friends, she does fun things, goes on vacation--her life doesn't revolve around a BF, which I think is healthy. 

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sat, 11-24-2012 - 8:31am

I was a late bloomer myself, and didn't have a boyfriend in college. So yes, time is on your side.

I would just like to add: if you're the brainy type, you might want to give yourself permission to be a little flirty. Nothing over the top. You don't want to be the girl who guys pour their hearts out to and then never gets asked out. You also might want to take a look at your clothes/hair and maybe dial that up a bit. Take your cue from girls you see who are getting asked out. Nothing slutty or that wouldn't be your personality. I know this sounds so superficial, but I wished I had done these things in college. I was way too serious and studious, in addition to not being confident with guys, so I never realized the power I had. I wish I had "acted as if."

Neither of these suggestions are guaranteed to pay off, but it could help put you in a mindset of getting asked out, if that makes sense. And honestly, you probably just haven't met the right one, it's not that there's anything wrong with you.  

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sat, 11-24-2012 - 5:16pm

  Hi;

   Not everybody arrives to getting a relationship the same way.  First it seems that the idea of a BF is too important. 

"Some other guys that I met they immediately friendzoned me.."  That is a curse for both sexes.  Many times it is US that are doing things that indicate friend not lover.   I too have a lot of friends but few lovers.  It was me that did it to myself. 

   It is that within ourselves that we need to see change.  No one can do this for us. 

"since I am very romantic person and always dreamed of having a serious relationship, sharing a normal, cosy life with the one I love."

     This is called self talk.  Notice that you mentioned conversation in the post.  You define yourself counter to the person you show the world. 

Goldfish

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Mon, 12-03-2012 - 1:20pm

jfg005 wrote:
<p>Hi everyone, I am 20 years old and I really have trouble getting a boyfriend or meeting the right person.</p><p>I know this sounds prosy, but I mean it. I have only dated once in my life and it was with the help of a friend of mine, and it lasted...12 days. Ι know i am not the kind of girl every guy will run after, but I take care of myself, I eat healthy, I exercise and I know I can look pretty cute when I want. The last two years that I go to uni, I always expected that I was going to date guys exc. but nothing ever happened...Guys approached me during nights out and everything was going fine, we exchanged numbers, sometimes we went on a date but after a while they just disappear. All this happened with 4 different guys! I don't think that I am awkwaard or anything, truth is that I am a person who likes conversations, so I don't play easily flirty, but I am always smiling and trying to be nice. I often concluded that meeting guys in night blubs isn't really for me, since I don't go out a lot and they probably aren't my type of guy...But where else can I meet guys and start a conversation? Some other guys that I met they immediately friendzoned me...I find it very difficult to show more than friendly interest without seeming obsessed....Now, I have a crush over a boy ,he is the brother of a friend of mine and we immediately became very good friends. I though we really matched, we always talked for hours and I know he was having fun because he always complimented me on how intelligent I was and sometimes on my looks, too. But he never really called me, it was always me who did the first step...and today we were suppose to eat together, the 2 of us, at mine, and the last minute he told me he isn't gonna come, with the most natural voice ever. I guess I am friendzoned again...why can't he see me like more than just friends?</p><p>All of this really makes me sad, since I am very romantic person and always dreamed of having a serious relationship, sharing a normal, cosy life with the one I love. And my life is everything except this...all my friends are getting in couples so I am starting to questioning myself what I do wrong, that's why I am writing here. I don't need advices such as ''be yourself'' or ''look good'', but if any experienced in relationships girl (or guy) knows a bit more on how to make guys like you, or maybe guess what I do wrong, I am really willing to hear it! (or better, read it!)</p><p>Thanks a lot.</p>

 

The sad fact of the matter is: you cannot make anyone do anything they dont' already want to do, include like you enough to call for the second date.  Why guys run after certain girls and not after others is the mystery of the ages. 

Have you ever asked any of your male friends how you come off?  Instead of being piqued with them for planting you in the friend zone, use them to glean information about how to proceed with other guys.  If you're coming off in a way in which you're unaware, better them to tell you so you can correct it rather than stumble through the foreseeable future getting no closer to what you want.