How do I play it 'cool'?
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| Mon, 04-05-2004 - 11:08pm |
So I was posting here a while ago about my never ending disaster with dating - guys being all interested and then running away without a trace.
Yesterday I met the most amazing guy - it was like he just fell from the sky - we met online on a dating site, exchanged a few short emails and then met for breakfast. Well, he is the most intelligent guy I've ever met and he 'had me' from the moment I opened the door (blushing). Anyway, we proceeded to have an amazing date and spent the afternoon together - after 10 mins of watching a movie he kissed me... passionately. After that we made out a lot - but I kept things above the waist. He said how cool I was and how few dates went that well - I was sooooo scared of ruining things. Anyway, today was my birthday - he didn't call but had told me he'd be busy until thursday , when we could go for a coffee or something together. He works for the military and seems to have a bit of a secretive job so can't talk about it.
I really really like this guy - I can't explaiin it - I was really excited to meet him and the moment I did, I just knew we were going to hit it off. How do I play this one 'cool' as you all suggest?
Sheri

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dont fight ur self.
if u wana show some emeotion show it..dont show it alot of times or in intensity ..just small things
and do mention that it was ur birthday and u would have liked him to call u
acting cool with some one u like doesnt work ...u should make sure that he knows u r interest in him to a comfortable level
do things where u can talk and get to know and be freinds and two human bonding.
i must say the guy was smooth. 20 min in a movie and he is greeting ur lips ...sounds my kind of a guy
Hello, namesake ;-)!
Ok...I'm totally glad you hit it off with this guy...but you need to slow things WAAAY down unless you are just looking for a fling.
One of the best ways to keep from becoming over-eager and consumed with this man is to continue meeting and dating others. That doesn't mean you have to go out with 10...but maybe one or two. It will also give you options and something else to do and look forward to, in case things don't turn out as you hope with this new man. You should also assume that HE is probably still meeting and dating other women through the online site.
Otherwise, just let him make the moves and show you that he is interested. But don't obsess about it, and DON'T sit around waiting! If you don't hear from him and get an invitation for a date before the weekend, please make other plans. Keep active... see your girlfriends, go shopping, take your mom to dinner, read, date, whatever it is that you do. And of course you can come here and post as much as you like! I guarantee you.. the ladies here will talk you out of the clouds, if you find yourself drifting away into fantasies too soon!
Take care.
I know the feeling of immediately having really intense feelings for someone. I feel the same way about a guy I just met from an online site last week. The key is to keep your behavior in check. I know it's hard. Enjoy the wonderful feelings, but don't forget that you don't know him. Don't do anything that you will regret.
If you want to 'play it cool' - like someone else suggested, it might help to continue seeing other guys for a little while, so that you don't get overly infatuated with this guy.
Hi there,
So I thought I would post another update (mainly because I really need coaching to keep playing it cool). We ended up having date #2 four days after the first one. I saw his place for the first time, we just chatted and drank wine for a while and then walked to the cinema to watch a great mountain climbing movie. We returned to his place afterwards. He seemed very respectable - kissed me a few times and then we made out quite a lot. it was much like the first date where he was very keen to get physical but I said I couldn't yet. He totally respected it and said it was ok, whatever I was comfortable with. He did invite me to spend the night - got me pyjamas - but I declined and went home. He kissed me good bye and said he would call me the next day after he finished his work (it would be a holiday but he had to do some work).
Well I spent today with a friend - but he hasn't called : ( Obviously I don't expect to talk to him everyday, but I happened to check the online site tonight and noticed he was online. I know we've only seen each other twice, but he tells me how 'supercool' I am and how much he is attracted to me. I told him I was a woman of my word - and he said he is the same so I guess I noticed that he didn't stick to his word about calling me today. I really want it to work - but I don't want to constantly feel like I'm second guessing how things are going. It's so hard because I have such strong feelings for him. How can I grow to trust him and how long is normal for a guy to continue persuing other people on a dating web site before giving one girl a commitment? (just so I know what to expect). I did not contact him today - much as I would like to talk to him and tell him I had a great time last night, I have resisted the urge.
Sheri
Ok...I really don't want to be negative but I see a number of red flags here:
--He's pushing for physical intimacy way too soon, and that to me signals that's basically what he is looking for. I don't see making out on a 2nd date as "respectable". I would bet dollars to donuts that he asked you to "sleep" over because he figured you'd give in once you were in the pyjamas and settled in for the night.
--"I'm attracted to you" is code for "I want to sleep with you".
--How can you have "strong feelings" for someone after only two dates? You barely know the man. Any "strong feelings" you have at this point are a combination of infatuation and projection.
--He's shown you that he is not a guy who does what he says he's going to do. His words were just to get you to *think* that he was like that. Pay attention to *actions*, not words.
As for the dating website, he is free to date other women until the two of you expressly discuss and agree to exclusivity. My rule of thumb is to wait until I've dated a man for two months before agreeing to be exclusive, and I won't sleep with him until we have had that discussion and have that express agreement. Everyone's timeline is different though.
If he calls, I would really think twice about accepting a date that starts or ends at his house or yours.
Sheri
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