how do i relax?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
how do i relax?
6
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 12:17pm
Ok. So I have a problem with committment and relationships. I am dating a guy now. Everything is going soo well - almost too well. Which may seem like a weird thing to complain about. But since it is going so great, it makes me think about how much I like/enjoy it. So my pessimistic side comes out and thinks about how bad and hurt I will feel if something goes wrong. So part of me tells myself to end it before I feel more for him and get more used to having him around. But that is the cowardly way to act. It is just me being scared and looking for the "easy" way out. So I am trying to constantly tell myself that I should just go with the flow and be happy that I am SO happy now.

But does anyone else know what I'm going through, and/or know of a way to help me calm down and relax?

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
In reply to: dusty6_99
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 12:30pm
Hello Dusty

I completely understand where you are coming from because I have been there before. If things are going on great don't think about your relationship too much. Focus on what you have to do for yourself to make yourself happy. If you feel like you are getting too close, pull back a bit till you relax and at peace with yourself. In my opinion there's nothing you can really do because there's nothing wrong with your relationship. As I said before just focus on yourself and everything will fall into its' play.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
In reply to: dusty6_99
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 3:01pm

You haven't said how long you've been dating this guy.

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
In reply to: dusty6_99
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 3:29pm
We've been dating for four months. I do try to keep up with my own separate life. And it is a different situation with him b/c his job has him out of town 2 weeks out of the month. So when he is actually in town we hang out more often than we would if he was going to be here for the entire time. But I always enjoy the time we have together. We do appreciate our alone time too. I sometimes have a hard time justifying leaving him and going to hang out with just friends, but I know it is necessary at times.

I think my problem is that I think way too much and sometimes let my fears get the most of me. We have agreed to be exclusive, and I don't worry about him cheating. My bigger fear is of him losing interest all of a sudden. Before, when I thought this was a possibility I would just break it off myself - to be in control. This time, I don't want to do that. I have way too much fun with him to be immature and irrational.


I think one of the main reasons I freaked out this time was b/c he had been gone for 2 1/2 weeks straight and I missed him SO much, and absence really made me realize just how much I love him. This makes me feel vulnerable and no longer as in control as I am used to. However, it is kind of exciting at the same time.

Should I talk to him about this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
In reply to: dusty6_99
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 3:55pm

Well, yes, 4 months is pretty early.

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
In reply to: dusty6_99
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 4:13pm
Well neither of us have been in a serious relationship recently. He had a long term gf in HS 5+ years ago. And I really have never been in a relationship past 3 months - and that was considered long before. But we both agree that it is just different this time.

But yea I do think that by knowing that he could just as well freak out like I do, scares me. After like 2 1/2 months we talked about how we were kinda freaking out about how much fun we are having and don't want it to end. This made us both feel somewhat better bc at least we weren't the only ones feeling it. But I am kinda scared that he is getting over his fear and feeling comfortable now (which is good and where i want to be soon), so yea I am afraid that if I tell him that I still kinda worry sometimes, then it will lead him to worry.

I know I should just stop analyzing everything and go with the flow, but it is soo much easier said than done.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
In reply to: dusty6_99
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 9:54pm
Dusty!!