How do I tell him I want out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
How do I tell him I want out?
2
Sat, 09-25-2004 - 12:42am
Ok I met this REALLY nice guy online his name is Lewis and he lives in England and I live in Ohio. He and I have been talking for about 6 months and he and I have talked about getting married and all of that other stuff you would do with a serious boyfriend. I'm still VERY young and he is soooo clingy and jelouse all the time. I can't even have a male friend. I feel like he gets upset if I do things with family and with friends. I just want to tell him nicely that I love him and I always will but not the way he loves me. Lewis is one of those obsessed boyfriends who wants to be with you 24/7 and ya thats cute for like a month but then it gets old fast. He really is sweet and only has my best in interest but when i don't say something the way he likes it or the way he wishes I feel like I let him down when I said what I was thinking. Im just not happy with him and I have already tried to break up with him once before but he begged me to stay and I told him I would if he changed and he didn't. I guess now I REALLY know that no one can change unless they want to. I just want to know how to break up with him nicely... I just don't want him going off and killing himself (seriously he would do that because thats how obsessed he is with me) He calls me his goddess so you KNOW he worships me. Please help me I don't want to hurt him and I do love him just not as much as he does me. I need help and I want out of this relationship he deserves someone who will love him better then I could ever. Please help me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Sat, 09-25-2004 - 2:12pm
This clingy, needy, controlling and dominant BF of yours can become your next stalker, ya know? Even from England his arms are so long that he can control you right there in OH...He cries and begs to you if you want to break up...isn't that manipulation as well? To get rid of this guy just close your screen name and open a new one. If you've given him your phone number better change it. He'll find another woman to control and make her life a nightmare in no time. With guys like this excuses and "trying to break up nicely" don't work.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-25-2004 - 2:49pm
I'm assuming you've never even met this guy in person. First, no matter what you believe, the fact remains that you have no way of knowing for certain that he is who he says he is. Second, it's impossible to really love a person you've never met. Third, he sounds whacked. It's certainly possible that he is obsessed with you, but obsession doesn't even resemble love. The whole "goddess" thing is simply his fantasy of you. And finally, it's easy to end this. Tell him it's over and that you are moving on. Give him any reason you want, but it's probably better to say you've met someone else rather than tell him all the things that you don't like or the things that are really wrong with him. Then block his e-mail and block his phone number. He's not going to kill himself - he'll just find another online woman to obsess about just as easily as he found you.

Even if he did harm himself, which I highly doubt, it's not your responsibility and it's not your fault. He has serious problems that have nothing to do with you, and he had these problems before you even began communication with him. In the future, only date guys in person no matter how you first make contact initially. It's highly likely that if you had met this guy in person shortly after meeting "online", it never would have progressed this far because he would have raised the hairs on the back of your neck and you would have gotten away from him fast.