How Do you ask a guy out???

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
How Do you ask a guy out???
13
Sun, 08-07-2005 - 1:16pm

Hey evrybody...i just have a simple but Hard-to-do question. How do yoou ask the guy you really like out?? He's a trainer at my gym, but he is not my actual trainer..Ive had the chance to work out with him a couple of times when my trainer was out on vacation and weve been talking since then....the question is how to i ask him out so that even if he says no it wont be awkward and we would still be talking. How should i start it? when is the right time to ask? He is the shy type and i know that if it becomes awkward between us he might be shy and wont even look or smile at me....but on the other hand if hes interested and would say yes..then that would be perfect..right????

its been over 2 months since we started to talk do u guys think he's really not inetersted to go out because if he was he would have asked right????

Please help :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
Sun, 08-07-2005 - 2:00pm

Figure/find out what phrase would make you most comfortable and then just ask it. IMO worst case scenario is that you still get to see him at the gym. There is no right phrase, no right time, no right answers: it's all about how comfortable you are putting yourself in that position and then being able to survive the answer(s).

It took me 5 months before I felt comfortable enough to ask a man out, and we were long-time friends. The determining factor for me was realizing I'd never know without asking and getting a negative response didn't have to change anything, because part of being able to ask him is also accepting gracefully a negative answer. If you can't accept gracefully, then you shouldn't be asking - just MHO.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-07-2005 - 2:38pm

Personally, I wouldn't in that situation. He's had plenty of time and opportunity to ask you out, and he hasn't. So that would indicate to me he's either not really interested and/or he's not available.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 7:53am
I agree with you, Sheri.
He's had ample time and shyness is only an excuse.
I've had shy guys get slick and get my number or atleast ask me out for lunch or something.I wouldn't do it either. This guy is either not interested or he's unavailable for whatever reason and he's probably just flattered by the attention.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-1999
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 4:45pm

Yes, and she's also had plenty of time and opportunity to ask him out, and she hasn't. So that might indicate to him that she's either not really interested and/or she's not available.

I don't get the double standard.

And I would advise the original poster to ask. The worst he can do is say "no".

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 5:03pm

It's the man's role...and men know this. It's part and parcel of the courtship ritual in our society, which has nothing to do with equality or feminism or anything else.

Actually, IMO, the worst he can do is say "yes"...NOT because he's interested, but because he's trying to be polite and doesn't know how to tell her he's really NOT interested. Then she gets her hopes up and wastes her time going out with him, he feels guilty...it's a train wreck all around.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 5:40pm
well sad girl,
maybe he does not date clients from the gym to avoid any kind of conflict if things dont work out. Best thing is to just ask him if he wants to go out and get a drink after work.
Also we have single women at my job , and I perfer not to go out with any unless it is a group thing. We all have been at the job for a long time and I dont need the problems.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 9:05pm

Normally I would agree with Sheri and say he's not interested, because

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 8:01am
I still agree with Sheri.
I'm sure this guy has a gut feeling deep down that she may be interested in him.
I think if he were interested, he'd give subtle little signs and maybe even offer a number. Men are men and if they see someone they want, they're not gonna waste an opportunity, trust me.
I wouldn't ask him out. I've been in this situation countless times and EVERYONE and their mother kept telling me to ask this particular guy out. Nope. I held my ground. Everytime I did see him though, I was open and smiley and friendly and making eye contact and flirting. I still could not understand why he wasn't approaching when my signs were very friendly. Well it turns out he had a girlfriend and that's why he never asked me out even though he was flirting with me as well.
So I do believe it's the man's duty to ask the woman out first. Trust me, if he's truly interested enough, he'll secretly find a way.
Asking him out makes him lazy. We women are supposed to make the man work for us. If I have to go and ask a man out, it's not very appealing or sexy at all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 8:24am

Funny... about 3 years ago, this same thing happened to me. And I

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 11:23am
this is exactly why i posted this question...i know pwople will have different opinions and thats what i need...now i know some people say i should not and some people say i should (which BTW makes me go back to square one HAHA) but i really need to hear both sides so i know the pros and cons... there are times when i would remember the book "hes just not that into you" and say just forget it and just be friendly with him, but then again there are times when i would say i would ask him straight out and just not think of the consequences...i guess for now ill just wait because now were just starting to be a lil bit comfortable and i domnt want to jeopardize that...who knows maybe if were comfortable enough it, opportunity would just present itself without me even trying....

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