How do you know it is love?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
How do you know it is love?
6
Fri, 01-06-2006 - 1:41pm
I've been dating a wonderful man for the past 5 mos long distance (see each other 2-3 times a month). He is so wonderful in so many ways - kind, caring, loyal, honest, smart, financially successful, polite, etc, and he adores me. He's not perfect by any means though - not very sporty or adventurous, not as quick witted/charming as I like, and he doesn't like to be playful/silly/funny as much as I do. I do care for him and enjoy his company a lot ... but how do I know if I love him? I have had a very tumultous past with men and have managed to date every broken, messed up, unfaithful, twisted weirdo out there (not by choice... just seems all my princes turn back into really warty frogs after a few months), so I'm not sure how to judge real love anymore. In my past, when I thought I was in love it was a feeling of needing to be with that person - more obsessive and fearful of losing them than really loving them. Now I am with a man who is safe, secure, loyal and true and I am not sure I know how to recognize love without the fear. I ask myself, if he left me tomorrow how much would I hurt - and since my answer is that it wouldn't devastate me I may not really love him. Can anyone give some advise on this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Fri, 01-06-2006 - 2:59pm
I have to agree with you that the fear of losing a person is what makes you feel you love them. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months next Sunday and we spend almost every waking second together. I know that I love him because it is such a feeling that I have never felt before...and I can stand to be apart from him, but I don't want to. You have to ask yourself, is it the fear that he will leave you and you'll be alone? or the fear that he will leave you, and you won't have HIM in your life? I know I love my boyfriend because I don't ever want to have another boyfriend! I can't see myself having feelings for anyone the way I have feelings for him. There are a lot more things you have to ask yourself to figure out if it's love rather than just figuring out if you can't live with out him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2005
Fri, 01-06-2006 - 7:16pm
Well, I have done the fast, furious "I am in love" thing, and the slow, gradual "love the companionship" slowly turning into love thing; in my experience the second type of gradually sliding into love has worked better, *way better*!!!! So, while we are all different and unique people, I would suggest that you try to figure out whether he has the potential of "gradually sliding you into loving him, i.e. what you preceive of as possible shortcomings (him not being playful enough fro example; the lack of adventureousness, etc...) are these needs you need met (things you cannot do without), or are these simply wants (i.e it would be nice of he were these things, but you like him nonetheless). In general, I would not expect to be in love with someone after 5-6 months (but yes, I would want to be in "intense like")... hope this helps.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 10:56am

You'll know you love him when you love him. It's so simple yet complex. To me, love is that solid feeling of knowing that whatever the person needs, I'll try to be there for them. It's a feeling of comfort, like being home. It's a full feeling that makes you feel content. I think the best way I've ever heard of love described is this:


Love is patient and kind; it is nor jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope and patient never fail. Love is eternal.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a


That has always helped me when thinking about love.


Hope this helps.


Kerry

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2002
Sat, 01-21-2006 - 3:17am
My mom said once that with my dad she occasionally lost notice of whether she was fidgeting on his leg or hers because they had become so comfortable together. What would this be termed independently, as it would certainly be a part of love.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Sat, 01-21-2006 - 3:44pm

If that isn't the million dollar question, I don't know what is!

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Sat, 01-21-2006 - 8:31pm

I've had a passionate relationship without getting to know alot about the person.

I'm currently in a stable relationship with no passion.

Though I entered these relationships out of choice, I wouldn't say I was in love with either of these men. I care deeply for them, but I can't call it love.

I think there is more to love than a stable relationship. Or lots of passion. It is a knowing that you are right for each other, you are there for each other no matter what, you're on the same team. There's a common sympathy, a deep rooted friendship, a kindred spirit. You just can't survive without the other person. Differences and faults don't matter much, it's easy to forgive the other person -- you can look past their flaws. You and only you see beauty in this person where others can't. I'm still looking for that kind of love.