How do you pick the right guy??? Help

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2006
How do you pick the right guy??? Help
3
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 9:15pm

Ill try to keep this short. Been dating a guy for about a 8 months now. He always told me I should date other people. After time he stopped doing that, and has made comments that make it seem like he wants and exclusive relationship but doesnt come right out and say it. Hes a great guy and I think Im in love with him. Heres the problem.

1. I feel as if our relationship it stuck and not progressing. Im not at all sure where
its going.

2. Another guy I dated before has been calling and wants to see me. We stopped seeing
each other due to his career which had him constantly traveling at the time. Now he
has a new job and wants to give us a second chance.

3. Guy number one doesnt spend much time with me and I feel like Im always waiting
on him, and it gets lonely.

So heres the thing, theres a part of me that wonders if Im making a mistake holding out for guy number one to move this relationship along. Ive never met his kids, family or freinds all this time. To me if a guy keeps you out of his life like that, then hes either not ready, or he has not intentions of taking things further. What if the other guy was willing to give you what the one isnt? Do you go out with both and see what happens??? How do I decide. Important to mention, guy #2 is really awesome too, he
treats me like a queen, sends me flowers, has taken me nice places, and wants a committed relationship in his life.

I dont want to lie to either, but I feel like I need to make a choice here. Im newly divorced and this dating stuff is difficult!! I spoke to a few friends and they said just see both, because guy number one has never given me a committment, and it shouldnt just be assumed by him or by me. They say at this point I owe neither of them an explanation for where I am and what Im doing.

So what do you all think?? How do I decide what to do, my conscience is bothering me big time.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2006
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 5:23am

Hi I just wanted to add that guy number one calls everyday, sometimes 2 times a day. To me I read that as exclusive or committed. Am I wrong to think that? Arent daily phone calls something thats reserved for the committed?

If he thinks we are exclusive without actually asking or saying it, how do you handle that one? If I question him I think he may feel pushed, hes a slow mover. I do realize that if I dated both I would have to make a choice sooner or later. Maybe a month or two of dating both will help me to find out where my heart really is.?

 

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 10:57am

You know my thoughts on this subject ;-), but I would just add that NO, daily phone calls are NOT reserved for exclusive relationships. Heck, I've had guys I just *met* call me every day!

And I'm not sure what him possibly feeling "pushed" by your question has to do with your dilemma...if he says he DOES want to be exclusive, then obviously he doesn't feel pushed...and if he says he doesn't, then you're free to date the other guy and figure out what you want. One way or the other, you'll KNOW...and that is a good thing, even if it's not the answer you're hoping for.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 12:23pm

In 8 months you haven't met anyone in his life? Hedoesn't spend much time with you and you're always waiting around? That isn't the best sign. I think the two of you are over due for a conversation about where if anywhere this relationship might go.

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