How do you sit down and talk to a guy...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
How do you sit down and talk to a guy...
13
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 8:37am
How do you sit down and talk to a guy about dating and feelings without him getting scared? My guy friend and I have been hanging out a lot lately and there has been a lot of playful flirting and touching between us. He has showed me a lot of mixed reactions about the way he feels about me. I know that I have developed feelings for him and would like to pursue them but I am so hesitant in sitting down with him and being like, " what are we?" Not because I am afraid that he will not feel the same cause if he didn't have feelings for me I would just continue being his friend, but I don't want to scare him in the process of asking in the first place. How do most men (not that they ever want to talk about things like this) want to talk about something like this? Or how has anyone else discussed something like this? Suggestions will help me a tremendous amount.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2004
Tue, 08-03-2004 - 4:47pm
funny...i just sent in a similar question. It took awhile for my boyfriend and I to get those initial feelings out and now that I am having even stronger feelings I don't know how to tell him. Luckily for me, he told me he cared for me and saved me the stress. Now it's my turn I guess.

The only answer I can provide is to tell you to take the risk. Use your head and choose your words wisely so you don't seem overbearing. Life's too short to let love slip by!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-03-2004 - 8:24pm
You are behaving like a woman who enjoys a flirtation without any strings. Who is calling whom? Are you two hanging out and things are just progressing along? Don't call this guy and see if he calls YOU. When and if he calls and he wants to see you, ask him outright if he's taking you out on a date. How long have you been 'hanging out'? He might be reading into your behavior that you're enjoying things like he is and don't want anything more. You keep hanging out with him and you're having fun and you've never expressed wanting to date, right? So what's he thinking? This is great, I don't have to invest in her and we have a little bit of fun.

You're not scaring him away by being upfront. He hasn't been pursuing you. Maybe what you're going to find out is that he likes being friends with perks, but isn't interested in a relationship right now. Maybe he's shy. Find out. If you're comfortable touching him, then there is something very odd about not being able to talk to him about your needs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 10:49am
Ok so there is a twist to my post....I actually live with this guy. So there is no calling to see what one is doing, there is no "are we on a date". We just generally act like a couple when we are together. And I see what you are saying too, cause I have never come out and told him how I have felt. I am so wrapped up in what he thinks about me I have never really sat down and told him anything either, so for all I know he feels the same way.... I do flirt a lot with him so, he might think that I just want to be playful friends too. I'm just nervous about telling him how I feel cause I don't want the attention from him to go away. I have been out on a couple of other dates since him and I started whatever we started but there is just something about HIM that I can't stop thinking about. For awhile I thought maybe I just feel this way cause we are both single and we live together and it was just easy that way. But then when my feelings started getting involed that is when I actually started questioning myself on what I was doing. Then all of the questions of what if he is doing the same thing. But he generally treats me like a gf. Makes me dinner, helps with my laundry, opens doors, goes places with me, hugs me, kisses me, holds my hand. I just feel so comfortable with him. BUT I can not look at him and tell him how I feel cause I am acting selfish and don't want all of this good stuff to end. I guess I am just going to have to suck it up and realize that if I really want something out of this I should find out what is going on before I hurt myself.

Wow, I just woke up. My answer has been in front of my face the whole time and I have just been having such a hard time opening my eyes. Sometimes I worry about myself. :)

Now, if only I can get the words out of my mouth.....

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