How does "space" help??

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2005
How does "space" help??
4
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 9:08am

i need help figurin what to do! :-(
we are in a long distance relationship which started to frustrate me. we live on two opposite sides of the country. then we had a little tiff on the phone when he got overly sensitive, i did some thinking and asked him whether he is hiding something from me, whether he is seeing another girl there?, because something just did not seem right with him. he wrote this to me:
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there is nothing going on whatsoever, ABSOLUTELY NOTHIN……….It is just that I am trying to figure things out…..Having a internal reflection, and that is why I Have been going to church more often…...I am trying to do some soul searching.. I am not sure if it makes any sense to you…..But, I don’t know why I have been acting different…and I apologize for my behavior…….I definitely need some time to figure things out……I feel like we have distanced ourselves from each other and I don’t know why….and I am to be blamed for it…..But I do need to do some soul searching and I want you to understand…….You have been nothing but nice and understanding, and I am going through a phase where I am doing some searching, and as you said for our future. I am doing this for my future, our future…... I don’t know how to explain it further…….

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okay, this is a guy who pursued me, said he loved me and had a long term marriage interest. what is THIS then? is this just a passing murky time, or is this serious?
what do his statements reflect? he says i have been nice, and then he says he needs space? is this making sense to anybody??? is he having a change of heart? is he lettin me down easy?

i feel like giving up on this relationship. needing space and time is not going to help anything! can it? he says we will speak after a month. so, now, what am i supposed to do?
i feel like giving up and breaking up with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 9:17am
Don't read more into than what's there. He repeated many times that he needs time to do some "searching". That's it... he needs to search and he wants you to wait. It's up to you to decide if you can handle that. Maybe it's a good time for you to evaluate your feelings and needs, too. Long distance is challenging but it doesn't change the fact that the relationship will go through stages just like any other relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 9:23am

gal adri25...

Pianoguy believes that ANYBODY who has doubts about another person should probably take A BREAK!

It's clear this is what your long-distance b/f wants!

Perhaps his original feelings toward you may have shifted? . Of course, whenever anybody's involved in a long-distance relationship, one or both halves of a couple will have questions about where it's headed?

If you HONESTLY don't want to keep the one you have going....drop it! If you don't have a problem keeping your distance for a month...and then communicating...TAKE A BREAK and check back with your b/f in 30 days!

Pianoguy

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 12:17pm

I went through a somewhat similar experience with my now-ex LDR guy. He was very depressed this summer and basically withdrew from talking every day...said there was no one else, but he just couldn't do more than he was doing (talking to me every 5 days or so). I wished him the best, but told him I couldn't continue like that.

I think the best thing for you to do would be to give him the 30 days, but start thinking in your heart that it's probably over and start moving on emotionally. I don't think taking a break is something an emotionally healthy person does, but I suppose there could be exceptions.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2005
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 1:02pm

thanks everyone for your inputs. they helped me shed light on the situation. we have been communicating back and forth via e-mail this morning. i did ask him if his feelings for me were shifting. and he said he does have feelings, but needs time to figure if his heart is saying the right thing. he wants to see if he misses me. this is the same guy who i thought "rushed" into a relationship, telling me in the very earliest weeks, that "Us is IT" and "You are the one for me". it's surprising (and perhaps, not so surprising) how feelings change. after some thought, i told him that a budding relationship cannot survive over long distance with these changing feelings, and i cannot wait for him, only to have him reject us eventually. i told him that perhaps, we can think about this relationship in the future, if and when the time and place is right and the feelings are mutual. i bid him goodbye. i feel sad because we were a good couple. i have never had so much fun with anyone as i had with him. i don't know if i will ever meet anyone who can give me the smiles and laughs he gave..., and i still do not know if i did the right thing. but i did feel like i had to make a choice, and i chose this way.