How to figure out a guy on first date?
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How to figure out a guy on first date?
| Fri, 07-23-2004 - 5:18pm |
I met a guy online, we connected very well, have good and funny conversations, also at the phone. We talk online everyday for about two weeks, and the empathy beetween us is growing each day, we send each other lots of funny sms everyday, so, we decide to meet personally next week. I'm very anxious to meet him, but also very aware and a little scared, because I really don't know how he is, his character for example. I'm a little burned out of meeting bad boys who seem really nice guys at the beggining but only want is sex. I don't want that, I want to find a nice guy to have a relationship if things happen that way beetween us.
So, my question is: is it a way of seeing more quickly how he really is on a first date? I don't want to start to get expectations about this guy if he's not worth it. How can I really understand how he is? He invited me to go on a bike ride and eat an icecream after, it's different that going out at night to a bar, I think. So, how to really see how he is quickly?
Edited 7/23/2004 5:21 pm ET ET by baezsun

So, in light of that reality, all you can do is know what you want in a man, and take the time to evaluate him, over time, to see if he has those qualities and doesn't have any of your dealbreakers. If you see a dealbreaker early on, stop seeing him. If you don't, and you see qualities you like, keep going, but always remind yourself that it's early and it takes time to get to know someone. I find that waiting a good month or two to sleep with someone also helps, because for me at least, sex clouds my judgment (or more precisely, I get emotionally attached too early if I'm sleeping with someone and that makes it hard to remain objective).
I would be EXTRA cautious on this date because you've made the mistake of spending too much time talking on the phone, etc before meeting. That creates a false sense of intimacy so you need to be extra careful not to think you "know" this man in any way. Some men do this on purpose to get you to sleep with them right off the bat. Hopefully that isn't the case with this guy, but be cautious nonetheless.
Sheri
I recently met a great guy, we went on a date, and I went home alone. That was 2 weeks ago, haven't heard from him since. Am I surprised? No. He had said he wanted to come in with me, but I said no. I had told him up front I was looking for something serious and he had agreed that he wanted the same, but his actions tell me different.
Just two things: I know it takes a long time to know a person, I just want to figure out in a early stage if he wants just sex or are looking for a relationship. And I guess this not take months to see. I know not making out in the first date is a good ideia, and certainly I was not wanting to do that.
Another thing is we talked on the phone some times, but never during much time! It's only 5, 10 minutes phone calls, just to say hi and hear each other voices, chating a little, saying funny stuff, but we never enter in private or intimate details, neither he asks me about it, or asks about my past relationships. And online conversation it's also only about work, hobbies, life attitudes and life philosophies of living, but all in a general way, not talking intimate. So, I know what you're saying when you mencion "false sense of intimacy", but I'm not feeling any intimacy with him, just a strong empathy and curiosity in meeting him.
I guess I just want for him to be a good guy and perhaps develop a real sense of intimacy personally and with time.....
And when I say "false sense of intimacy", I'm not really talking about that kind of intimacy...I'm talking about the false sense that you *know* the person from talking to him online or on the phone. A false sense of comfort, if you will. So just remember that you don't *know* him at all...get to know him in person. Time will tell if he is really the person he appears to be.
Have fun on your date, keep your expectations low, and see what happens. I hope he does turn out to be a good guy! Keep us posted...
Sheri