How forward is TOO forward?
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| Sat, 10-23-2004 - 1:11pm |
I met this man several years ago on a professional level (but have not stayed in contact with him during the years) and have recently had occasion to have made his acquaintance once again when I threw my back out about 4 month ago (he’s my chiropractor). My appointments were originally scheduled for 3 times a week, then twice a week, and now down to once every 2 weeks. He has always scheduled me during lunch hour while his secretary was gone for lunch (so there have been no distractions and we are both completely comfortable with one another) and he has never acted inappropriately towards me (damnit!). During my electrode therapy, he sits in the room with me and tells me stories about what is going on in his life, stories about his son (who is a doll, by the way), and generally discusses anything that comes to mind – and he is very comfortable doing so. He has asked me about my life, where I typically frequent (and has commented many times that he might join my friends and me, but never has), and has shown a genuine interest in me as a person (not just a sex object).
A couple of weeks ago – in my frustration that he wouldn’t ask me out – I deliberately missed one of my appointments so as to have an excuse to call him and speak with him directly (I had his home phone number from when he had called to check up on me following Hurricane Ivan). Anyway, I apologized for missing my appointment and the discussion moved into what I would be doing that night (he asked – even though I dropped the bait). When I said I was going out alone – he offered to join me and did! We had a great night chatting, discussing politics (yes, we’re both very political), and everything went very well. The following week, my grandmother passed away (and he knew of her health conditions as I had discussed them with him on many occasions) and he read about it in the paper. When I spoke with him the following weekend, he expressed his sympathy and moved the discussion to my calling his office to schedule my next appointment (which I had not scheduled at the close of my last appointment). I called his office at the close of business on Tuesday and blatantly asked him out (“Yes, I’m asking you out on a date”) but did not schedule an office visit with him (it’s just the rebel in me). We went out that night to a sports pub to watch the play off games – to which he really paid little attention to (to my amazement since he is a sports nut) and had another great night talking and laughing about different things that have occurred in our lives. He displayed a lot of the “signals” that he is interested in me (eyebrows raised, smoothing his hair and clothing, lips parted, touching his face (and my hand, arm, knee, etc.), offered me his coat because I was freezing, etc.). Since it was raining, I walked him to his car because I had an umbrella and he proceeded to give me a hug (although he did bury his face in my neck, his lips never touched me [damnit, again!).
I did call his office on Friday and scheduled my appointment for that afternoon (I really needed it) and he once again said he would join my friends and me at my regular Friday night haunt (but again, he was a no show). This is driving me NUTS! I think on him so hard during the day that I cannot focus on my work or my studies. I know he is interested, however, on the same token – he never asks me out!! What is the deal here!? I would really love to call him this evening and invite him over to the house for dinner since my roommate is out of town and I have the whole house to myself – but wonder if that would be entirely too forward of me. Help!!! I’m going insane wanting to make a good impression without appearing as if I’m desperate or a slut! Any advice?
Edited 10/23/2004 1:22 pm ET ET by diverdownh20

Pianoguy is guessing here, but do you suppose this man didn't want to connect with you (a 2nd time) because it might give your friends the impression that the 2 of you are "an item?" Face it...when a total stranger shows up and meets a group of people who don't know him...that 'group' will probably think there's something very serious?
Since the 2 of you have only had ONE DATE together, your potential b/f might also be trying to make up his mind and decide if you are TRULY the girl he wants to seriously connect with? Here's an idea....
How comfortable are you in the kitchen? Would you be willing to prepare a nice dinner for the two of you? You can always ask him if he's a meat or a fish person...and whatever answer you get, have him pick up a bottle of red or white wine! Make the invitation clear that you'd like him to join you for a home-cooked meal...which means he'll either have to say YES....or will make an excuse as to what he can't (or won't)!
One way or the other...you'll know if Mr. Chiropractor is interested in "the whole package" or just a few of your bones?
Best of luck...
Pianoguy
How can a guy be "interested" and not ask you out? This guy from what you have written seems like he is unattached and does not need help asking women out. So why are you thinking that he is interested? If he were he would have asked you out by now period. I hope he does but he doesn't seem that motivated. You should change doctors and see if he asks you out, you will know then if he is truly intrested.
ps. I did a quick search and found the following at:
http://www.acatoday.com/about/ethics.shtml
SEXUAL INTIMACIES WITH A PATIENT
The ACA Ethics Committee ("Committee") has received numerous requests for clarification relative to the ethical implications of sexual intimacies between a doctor of chiropractic and a patient he or she is treating. This advisory opinion is intended to resolve any misunderstanding and to state that it is the opinion of the Committee that sexual intimacies with a patient is unprofessional and unethical based on the existing ethical provisions in the ACA Code of Ethics: A(6), A(7), A(10) and C(2).
The physician/patient relationship requires the doctor of chiropractic to exercise utmost care that he or she will do nothing to "exploit the trust and dependency of the patient." Doctors of chiropractic should make every effort to avoid dual relationships that could impair their professional judgement or risk the possibility of exploiting the confidence placed in them by the patient. (Approved 1991)
Edited 10/25/2004 5:59 pm ET ET by spice.man