How hard should I pursue him?
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|Thu, 12-27-2012 - 8:28pm|
Here's the story:
I've been Facebook (FB) friends with this guy from college, we'll call him Troy, for five plus years (we both graduated in 2005). We were never friends in college, we might have hung out in a group a few times back in school (I think that's how we met), but we do have some mutual friends/acquaintances from college. I've always passively noticed him on my FB newsfeed but never really paid him a lot of attention. Randomly, about two months ago while I was browsing my FB newsfeed he caught my attention with a funny status update. I was bored so I checked out his profile, pictures, etc. and I realized that he's my "dream guy"... on paper. I also realized that he recently moved to the same city as me about six months ago.
I decided to send him a message on FB chat. We exchanged a few messages, small talk... I asked him how he liked living here blah, blah, blah. A few days later I sent him another chat message and asked him if he wanted to meet up for happy hour, he was busy that week and couldn't meet up but told me that we could "definitely hang out". I gave him my number and then he gave me his.
This occurred around the beginning of November, right around the start of the NBA basketball season. Apparently, he's a serious basketball fanatic (I gathered this from his FB updates and pictures) and he has season tickets to the city basketball team. He's been on a "basketball overdose"; he goes to the local NBA games and travels out of town for some game too. Even though he said he wanted to hang out I didn't hear from him, so a month later, the beginning of December, I made a comment on one of his pictures (he was at happy hour in the picture) about us going to happy hour. He told me to pick a day the following week and let him know. He squeezed me in before a basketball game for literally an hour of cocktails the following week, we both agreed that we had a good time and want to hang out again. He told me to let him know if I was going to be hanging out later that night and he would possibly meet me after the game.
I ended up going home after happy hour but I did send him a text making conversation about the game. He reiterated that he had a good time and wanted to hang out again. A few days later I sent him a text asking him how the rest of his weekend went and so on. He was responsive, he seemed like he was making an effort to make conversation, no one word responses or anything. I started telling me about how he was starting to make an effort to be more social, I flirtatiously told him that I could help him fix that problem and I stroked his ego a little bit and told him that I like hanging out with smart handsome guys like himself. I wanted to drop a hint that I'm not just trying to hang out with the intention of becoming "friends". I don't know if he was surprised or what but it took him a while to reply, but he responded saying that he's going to have to use my number then. I guess he was flirting back?
Here's the problem: Even though he seems like he's interested and says that he wants to hangout he's not making little effort to initiate things. I'm not sure if he's just focused on other things right now, i.e. basketball or if he's just saying stuff to be nice. The most I've gotten from him is an occasional comment on my Facebook status updates. He hasn't called or even sent me a text since we went to happy hour two weeks ago.
The other issue, a friend from college wants to go see our college basketball team (and Troy's) play the local rival college in about a week in a half. She wants me to invite Troy because she’s bringing the guy she's seeing. I'm not opposed to this because it's the prefect event to invite him to given that he's really into basketball and it's our college team, but I am opposed to doing all the initiation! I feel like the ball is definitely in his court right now and he should be asking me to hang out since he said he wanted to hang out again, but for some reason I don't see him being the aggressor.
He’s kind of “nerdy” but he’s not socially awkward or anything of the sort. He’s really friendly and easy to talk to and actually appears to have a few female friends (most of them are Greeks from college, he’s in a fraternity). While we were at happy hour he did make a comment that he’s “trying to figure out some things about women”…. Whatever that means.
I’ve never pursued a guy before so this is new territory for me. Maybe he’s never been pursued by a female before? How much pursuing should I do without coming on too strong? Does it seem like I’m reading into this too much or being too impatient?