How the heck I tell 'em?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2004
How the heck I tell 'em?
3
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 3:51am
Hello all, I'm new here, and the reason I joined is the question I have. It looks like people are really getting help from others on this message board. Please, I really need to get only HONEST replies. I live in an area with not that many people around, and recently decided to start online dating. The thing is I have a disability, it's not too horrible but still visible. I walk with two forearm crutches, but that doesn't stop me from doing almost almost anything in the world. But when people meet me in real life, my crutches is the first thing they see. My girlfriends say that my loving, caring, loyal, and fun personality (and pretty ok looks too) totally outweigh my physical imperfections, but it's hard to get to that point of relationship with men. Well, here's my question: should I put it up front in my profile, or wait until I get to know a guy and then tell him what to expect before we meet? I've been writing to one guy for a week now, and everything was great, so I decided to tell him about myself, and after that he disappeared. On the other hand, I don't want to put too much information about myself in the profile (it's enough that there's a picture of me). I'm wondering now, if I should just give up?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 11:22am
I think it's best to mention it in your profile. That will prevent what happened with the guy who made his "disappearing act" after you told him. Honesty is something most of online daters look for and there nothing so disappointing that discovering that someone we like isn't like we thought he/she was, no pun intended. I've seen ads from men who say "I'm disabled and use a wheel chair to get around". That is self explanatory and women who are interested in dating them will contact them. Don't give up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 11:29am
If you don't want to get hurt when they 'disappear', put it in your profile. Then you will find sincere guys who are at least interested in getting to know you.

Honesty is best, and I have heard several guys talk about 'deceptions' in profiles of online daters (weight, appearance, someone else's picture, old picture). It is a total turn-off to many people, and some can't get past that initial deceiving. Its hard for them to look past the fact that you didn't 'mention it'.

Additionally, you won't waste time with guy's who continue to see you just 'to be nice'.... meaning, they feel bad about calling it off and perhaps drag things out....wasting your's and their time......because they discovered this disability.

Dating is so tough. Good luck

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 12:29pm
I would definitely include it in your profile, along with a description of some of the specific activities you enjoy, so prospective matches can get a good picture of how your disability impacts (or doesn't impact) your life.

Sheri