How Long Before?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2006
How Long Before?
3
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 3:10pm
So how long do you hang out with someone and go on occasional dates before you have the whole "where does this all stand" talk if it doesn't just come up naturally?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 9:33pm

Before I start dating someone (1st or 2nd date), I find out what type of relationship they are looking for (in general, obviously, not with me, since they don't know me yet) to see if we're on the same page. Then, before we sleep together, I'll bring up exclusivity (because I'm not comfortable sleeping with someone who's dating other people as a rule) and reach an agreement about that. After that, if we keep seeing each other, I might "check in" at about the 3-4 month mark to make sure we're still on the same page with what we want, and that he hasn't ruled me out as a possible candidate for that type of relationship.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 11:15pm
If you are hanging out with someone, make sure he is showing signs of interest. Take note is he is:
Calling you when he says he'll call you.
Taking you out.
Isn't married or attached to someone else.
Isn't calling you from his cellphone at all times.
You don't just have a cellphone number or pager number, but a real home phone number.
He isn't making last minute dates with you.
(on the same note), he isn't calling you up at midnight, drunk and asks if he can "come over".
If he's not doing any of the things listed above, then there is no need for a talk. You will know where he stands.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 03-05-2006 - 12:45pm

I agree with most of your points, but just wanted to point out something:



  • Isn't calling you from his cellphone at all times.

  • You don't just have a cellphone number or pager number, but a real home phone number.

I only have a cell phone and have given up my home phone. I know a lot of folks who have done the same. So unfortunately, this isn't so telling nowadays.