How Long Is a Casual Relationship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2005
How Long Is a Casual Relationship?
4
Sun, 10-30-2005 - 8:03pm

I have known this guy for 5 months. He is younger than me, never been married, no kids. We have seen each other casually, about every 3-4 weeks, and yes, we have done the "deed"--more than one time. I have realized that I may be in love with this guy. I have told him that I have strong feelings for him and would like to pursue a committed relationship with him. He says that he thinks he has feelings for me. The problem is that he has some immediate family problems he is having to deal with right now. Because of that, he says he cannot commit right now. He says that his life is so wide open and uncertain, that he can't commit to a relationship and he can't be as free with his feelings. He has also said he doesn't want me to have hope right now because I will end up getting hurt, and he doesn't want me to get hurt.

I'm just curious as to how long this may go. Do I just tell him that I need to move on and hopefully at some point in time, we can get back together and have a committed relationship? Will he ever commit? I am just so confused about all this, and I am looking for some answers.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Sun, 10-30-2005 - 11:18pm

He's telling you he cannot commit, what more is there to wonder?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 5:45am

You told him what you want, he is telling you no. Rather than hanging on, I would suggest you let him know if at some point in the future he wants a committed relationship to look you up, then break away from him. Try to not let yourself get involved in something that has no future because it's just going to be a waste of your time.


Hope this helps.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 8:32am
He says he has issues, please believe him. Tell him that when he has his issues straightened out then you might be willing to talk to him. Otherwise, move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 11:43am
This is hard to hear and even harder to follow thru with. But psychologically when people are in love with some one or even have strong feelings for them then they will make you a priority no matter what is going on in their lives. Ultimately even though its tough right now, you want to be in a relationship with someone who feels the same way about you as you do them. Now what do you do with that? I don't know. Are you happy with just having that casual relationship, if no then maybe think about fading yourself out of it, before you get in WAY to deep. Good luck!