How Long Do I Wait?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
How Long Do I Wait?
5
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 12:37pm
Long story short...met boy; became intimate; boy still hung up on ex; we're just friends; he gets over ex; we become intimate; he decides to just be friends because he's afraid of hurting me; we hang out all the time; we are closer and closer with each day; calls me all the time; we do everything you'd do with a significant other except the physical; he's said that our relationship provides everything he was missing with his ex; makes plans for us to do things; tells me everything; says there is nothing about me he doesnt like; calls me while away; I think I love him. I feel for him what I've never experienced before, and I'm 27. I miss him terribly when we're apart. The problem is that I dont know if we will ever be romantically involved again. I want a relationship with him in the worst way. I feel that the longer we're not involved, the more likely he'll find someone else. How do I handle this situation? Just keep being very close friends? Everytime we're together I feel like he's holding back from touching me. I know that it is very difficult for me to hold back. Please give me some advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 3:15pm
well its not really fair for him to use you as a surrogate girlfriend, to make up for the things his ex lacked, if thats what hes doing... I would be honest with him. As if he still has feelings for her (casually ask, dont attack), and if he says yes, dont tell him how you feel... if he says no, ask him if he ever wonders what would have happend if you two had decided to do things differently. That way you can hear what he has to say before you make yourself vulnerable. If he says something you want to hear, tell him how you feel. Thats all the advice I have. Part of me wants to say that if he doesnt say what you want to hear, maybe see other people. But then you might lose a good freind. Good luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 1:13pm
Thanks for your advice. I am actually casually dating another guy. I am almost sure my guy is over his ex finally. We've been playing this game for 5 months now. He knows how I feel about him. I dont hide it anymore. But somehow we still remain very close. It's just a very confusing, probably unhealthy situation. I liked what you said about asking him what he thinks it wouldve been like if we decided to keep dating. I dont see how it couldve been bad. We already spend a lot of time together and never really fight.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 3:40pm

Don't wait.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 5:19pm
let me know how that talk goes, ok?

namasterae@hotmail.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 10:20pm
Was your question meant for the OP?

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