How long does it take?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
How long does it take?
4
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 10:06pm

I have just ended a realtionship that lasted two and half years. I thought when I met this guy that he was just incredible. If he would have asked me to marry him a year ago, I would have! Scary! I know now that I just ignored all the signs, I was very infatuated in fact I can say I was in love. However there were dealbreakers obviously that just did not go away. The biggest being that he really couldn't accept my son which is a non negotioable entity! His ambivalence took the wind outta my sails and I stopped loving him out of a need to protect my heart...so this was not easy. I was over the relationship faster than he was and in fact I think he still thinks there is a chance for us. Well for me when I am done...I am done. He turned out to have anger issues, he is OCD, which I knew nothing about before I met him and he is jelouse and possessive. I am glad I have been able to exit the relationship. I feel like I dodged a bullet!

We live in the same neighborhood and even though it's over I don't want to hurt him. However I am lonely... I was lonely in the relationship since we really did not see each other much during the week. (He is obsessed with his job) I would like to go out to dinner or the movies. I have girlfriends I can go out with but honestly most of my friends are male. I am a musician and I really hang out with guys almost all the time. He used to get very jelouse and suspicious all the time over my male friends and fellow musicians. Even though we are broken up I feel odd going out with them...kinda like I'm cheating.... it's so weird.

Maybe I am not really over him yet...how do I handle this...I don't just want to stay home. I don't want to go out by myself. Why do I still feel this way? I am feeling very vulnerable. Blu

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 11:09pm

Hi Blu,


Ok, let me make sure I understand what you're asking... are you asking whether or not you should look to go out with him? If that's the case then I would say no. You need time to get over him, over your relationship. Otherwise you're going to start doubting yourself and your decision. It was right, so don't put yourself into that situation.


Hope this answers your question, if not let me know...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 11:46pm

I think you're not as "done with this" as you say you are.

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 6:54am
I am sorry I was not more clear....I am a little confused. What I am asking is how long it shoud take before I start to feel ok about going out with someone else.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 10-06-2006 - 4:09pm
I agree - giving yourself time to heal is key!
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