how long should I wait???

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
how long should I wait???
2
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 9:53pm
I need some advice here...I have just ended a relationship that lasted two and half years. It was on and off for a long time. I am sure now that it is really over and I have just decided to have no contact with him anymore. He has called a couple of times and I have been really good because I just totally ignored the calls and I refuse to get caught up in the same old pattern of break up make up mode...it's over and I am relieved,
So....I know that I would like to date again. I have a hard time thinking about even being romantic with someone else...I had really put all my eggs in one basket with this guy so to speak. It's not like I have met anyone that I want to date, but I am really lonely. I know the pitfalls of a rebound affair and I definitely want to avoid that. I know this is a pretty personal thing. But I would like to get some insight from others on the "finding another man to help you forget the last one **versus** getting involved in things that don't involve a man...i.e. work, hobbies, home etc. I miss the company, I don't miss the low level negative energy, turmoil and tension, but I miss the good times. I think of when we first met and how happy I was...it's such a huge dissapointment when reality steals the magic from your dreams....I feel so empty and I am having nightmares, I don't sleep well and I find myself crying at odd times during the day. I lost my Dad in July of this year and I'm very emotionally fragile... I feel such a sense of loss...I am not sure where the pain is coming from anymore but for sure I am in pain..just really sad. I know I need to pick myself up...my co workers and my family see me as strong and fairly level about the whole thing...but I'm not...Any advise on how to get on the fast track to getting over this ....thanx... Blu
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2006
Fri, 10-20-2006 - 1:38am

Well, I have a bit of a skewed viewpoint, I broke off a relationship (fairly long) and immediately threw myself into another man's arms...and he turned out to be a complete and utter bast**d. Cheated, lied, the whole nine, for the whole 6weeks we were together- I found out after we broke it off. I was really hurt, and it made me remember the great times with guy #1 even more; I wanted #1 back, tried to get him back...it really worked at cross-purposes for me. When I threw myself into my work and hobbies, I ended up meeting my amazing boyfriend :).

What I'm trying to say (it's late :-p) is that after a long relationship you have issues that need to be dealt with, some you don't even realize till after...and getting into another relationship quickly can make them surface...or make them worse! Of course, some people are different, this is just my opinion :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-21-2006 - 4:11am

blubaby54...

A suggestion from Pianoguy:

If you're REALLY FINISHED with the EX...and REALLY INTERESTED in DATING OTHERS...start off by EXPECTING NOTHING! The whole point of dating is to make some new (and hopefully GOOD) friendships!'

In other words...don't assume that the men you choose to date are going to 'automatically fall in love with you?' It's entirely possible one or two MIGHT...but give the 'dating process' a little time, okay?

Do NOT compare anybody you meet NOW with someone from your past! While it's entirely possible that you might notice a few habits or interests that are similar, but it would be a MAJOR MISTAKE ON YOUR PART to automatically assume that 'the new guy' will behave the way your EX did!

I'm sorry to hear about your Dad! His 'passing' might be an issue for you to try and resolve BEFORE you let ANY new man enter into your life?

Good Luck!

Pianoguy