How Long Should I Wait?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
How Long Should I Wait?
5
Tue, 03-07-2006 - 5:54pm
My bf and I broke-up about a month ago. I'm not exactly impatient to date, but I feel like my ex-bf kind of wasted my time. So I'm wondering how long anyone thinks I should wait to start dating again, a good rule of thumb or what have you. We have broken-up before and gotten back together. However, I don't think that's going to happen this time. I have more supports in place now, counseling, etc., feeling better about myself in general and so on. About all I feel for him now is pity and some irritation. However, I think I'm ready to move-on and meet people that are more compatible with me. This guy was really idiotic. I'm not looking to jump into anything and I think I'm at the point in my life where I won't let myself get pushed, either. Thanks for any in-put.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 03-07-2006 - 6:47pm
I don't think there's any set rule or guideline. Instead, you should just do it when it feels right. If you feel able to handle dating again now, go for it but take it easy and try to keep from jumping into the frying pan into the fire so to speak. So get out there, go on a few dates and see how it feels. If it feels awkward, you're not ready so back off and give it more time. Good luck!

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2006
Tue, 03-07-2006 - 7:16pm
I've been in a similar situation to you recently. I know that I'm definitely not ready for anything yet, so I'm setting myself at least a month or two of "single-time." You don't want to jump right into anything, because your old man will still be in your head (even if he was a bit of an idiot!) It's all about when you feel ready to start something new.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Tue, 03-07-2006 - 7:19pm

I don't think there's a time limit. I think sometimes you can just feel it...if that makes sense.

Towards the end of 2004, I got involved with a guy who seemed like my absolute ideal. I hadn't really been serious with anyone for a couple of years, and prior to that I'd lived with a bf for 7 years. This guy was absolutely everything I was looking for. Said all the right things, did all the right things. So I moved in. After 6 months living together, he did a complete personality overhaul and I felt like my feet had been knocked out from underneath me. Everything I thought was true and real and right had been lies all along. I'd never experienced anything like it. I know what you mean by feeling like you wasted time!

Anyway, I moved out end August/early Sept and was really looking forward to having some time by myself (and wondered how the heck I was ever going to trust a guy again).

I joined match.com and seriously I didn't think anyone would respond (that's how bad I felt about myself! Sheesh!), so it was more that I was hoping to get a few responses for the ego boost. Gotta be honest! LOL I got a fair few nice emails from some nice people, but I just didn't feel anything for anyone....and didn't want to.

One Saturday night, about a month later, I went out with a girlfriend and had THREE guys give me their number. That's NEVER happened to me before! Again though, I wasn't interested, but the ego boost was good. When she dropped me home that night, we sat in the car and I said I honestly didn't feel connected to anyone I was talking to and I didn't expect that I'd let myself get close to someone for a long time. I said I wasn't sure if it was because I wasn't ready, because I didn't want to get burned again, because I didn't think I could trust again, etc etc, etc. I told her I was going to enjoy being on my own for a while....and I seriously meant it.

The very next day, I started chatting with a guy who'd emailed me from match. I enjoyed his company and figured we'd just be friends. I didn't want anything. I wasn't ready for anything. I didn't expect anything. We've been inseparable ever since. LOL

You just never know. Trust your instinct, rather than thinking you have to conform to some kind of timeline that's 'acceptable' to whomever. Do what feels right, when it feels right. I don't think you can go too far wrong if you do that.

:-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 3:15pm
Thanks for the replies. I agree with all of you, and it was nice getting your opinions. It is an individual matter. I've started creating a new profile, but haven't made it searchable yet, kind of taking it slow. I've been admiring one guy, off an on, on one personals' site for 2-3 years now. I think now maybe I'm ready to see if there is any potential there or not. I'll keep you posted. Best to each.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 5:24pm

I dont know how long the two of you were together or how serious it was but it sounds like you are definitely getting ready to move on...and I applaud the decision not to get enmeshed in anything too serious too quickly but to perhaps casually date .

but not really knowing you or how much emotional damage this relationship caused in you and how much healing time you need, since you're in counseling it seems a perfect issue to address in therapy.
Good luck.

sherry

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