How Long Should I Wait?
Find a Conversation
How Long Should I Wait?
| Tue, 03-07-2006 - 5:54pm |
My bf and I broke-up about a month ago. I'm not exactly impatient to date, but I feel like my ex-bf kind of wasted my time. So I'm wondering how long anyone thinks I should wait to start dating again, a good rule of thumb or what have you. We have broken-up before and gotten back together. However, I don't think that's going to happen this time. I have more supports in place now, counseling, etc., feeling better about myself in general and so on. About all I feel for him now is pity and some irritation. However, I think I'm ready to move-on and meet people that are more compatible with me. This guy was really idiotic. I'm not looking to jump into anything and I think I'm at the point in my life where I won't let myself get pushed, either. Thanks for any in-put.

I don't think there's a time limit. I think sometimes you can just feel it...if that makes sense.
Towards the end of 2004, I got involved with a guy who seemed like my absolute ideal. I hadn't really been serious with anyone for a couple of years, and prior to that I'd lived with a bf for 7 years. This guy was absolutely everything I was looking for. Said all the right things, did all the right things. So I moved in. After 6 months living together, he did a complete personality overhaul and I felt like my feet had been knocked out from underneath me. Everything I thought was true and real and right had been lies all along. I'd never experienced anything like it. I know what you mean by feeling like you wasted time!
Anyway, I moved out end August/early Sept and was really looking forward to having some time by myself (and wondered how the heck I was ever going to trust a guy again).
I joined match.com and seriously I didn't think anyone would respond (that's how bad I felt about myself! Sheesh!), so it was more that I was hoping to get a few responses for the ego boost. Gotta be honest! LOL I got a fair few nice emails from some nice people, but I just didn't feel anything for anyone....and didn't want to.
One Saturday night, about a month later, I went out with a girlfriend and had THREE guys give me their number. That's NEVER happened to me before! Again though, I wasn't interested, but the ego boost was good. When she dropped me home that night, we sat in the car and I said I honestly didn't feel connected to anyone I was talking to and I didn't expect that I'd let myself get close to someone for a long time. I said I wasn't sure if it was because I wasn't ready, because I didn't want to get burned again, because I didn't think I could trust again, etc etc, etc. I told her I was going to enjoy being on my own for a while....and I seriously meant it.
The very next day, I started chatting with a guy who'd emailed me from match. I enjoyed his company and figured we'd just be friends. I didn't want anything. I wasn't ready for anything. I didn't expect anything. We've been inseparable ever since. LOL
You just never know. Trust your instinct, rather than thinking you have to conform to some kind of timeline that's 'acceptable' to whomever. Do what feels right, when it feels right. I don't think you can go too far wrong if you do that.
:-)
I dont know how long the two of you were together or how serious it was but it sounds like you are definitely getting ready to move on...and I applaud the decision not to get enmeshed in anything too serious too quickly but to perhaps casually date .
but not really knowing you or how much emotional damage this relationship caused in you and how much healing time you need, since you're in counseling it seems a perfect issue to address in therapy.
Good luck.
sherry