How long to tell if I'm interested HELP

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
How long to tell if I'm interested HELP
2
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 11:21am
So I have gone out with this guy a few times, mostly in group settings. I met him through an acquaintance and found out he had a crush on me for quite some time. He is very sweet, attentive, and thoughtful. He is a great listener and really enjoys spending time with me. He has told me he is quite shy and I am thinking he is also quite lacking in the self confidence department. Anyways, he is not my "typical" type. But, my typical type also turns into the commitmentphobe or womanizer, so I have begun to think I should change my "type". I feel like I am branching out a bit with this guy. I do like him, but not positive he is for me. How long should it take to figure that out? We've gone on two group dates and once on our own. We have plenty to talk about, but I am not entirely positive there are a ton of sparks. We have kissed and everything and seem pretty compatible there. But, I am thinking I am just drawn to that silly bad boy thing, which he is not. What to do? Do I go out with him a few more times and see if things get better?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 12:47pm
You mentioned that his shyness might be a lack of self-confidence. I've often found that many self-proclaimed shy guys don't really have an introverted personality (they "open up" well enough once they get to know you) as much as they lack self-assurance/confidence. Perhaps that's what attracts you to the "bad boy" types. They are brimming with self-confidence. It's possible to find "good guy" types who are self-confident but who do not engage in userous or questionable behavior. Perhaps changing your "type" to the responsible, self-confident, considerate guys who, while not overly gregarious and charming, don't come off as insecure and "shy". As for this guy, try going out with him one-on-one a couple more times. If he still appears insecure, then look for someone who meets your needs in that department - it doesn't have to be a choice between "nice but insecure" and "self-confident but a jerk".
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 6:59pm
fuschia73...

Pianoguy honestly wonders if the problem here is a little indecisiveness on your part? You seem to enjoy the difference in this relationship, but you're also frustrated by the fact that this man isn't putting the moves on you!!!!

You didn't indicate how long you two have been dating, but if your past relationships have accelerated to the "quick and dirty stage" faster than you expected...

S-L-O-W D-O-W-N with Mr. Shy!

What's wrong with giving things enough time to spark between you? Don't compare this particular man with the others you've been with. There's always the possibility that he's very respectful of you...and doesn't want to 'push his luck?'

Pianoguy