how long before a title?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
how long before a title?
26
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 1:08pm
How long do you think you should date someone before there are titles (boyfriend/girlfriend) given?

I have been dating someone for 3 weeks. We see each other about 4-5 times/week...but he still says we've "only been hanging out a short time." It drives me nuts. If we were only hanging out, I'd see him 4-5 times in total, not per week.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 2:13pm
What changes do you expect to occur once you get the title or label you want? Have you discussed what you want out of life over the next 2, 5 and 10 years? Have you discussed if you have similar views on relationships?

3 weeks is a very short period of time to expect a title regardless of the amount of time spent together. If it was 3 months there might be a different conversation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 2:19pm
I don't expect much to change, actually. I just have never dated anyone who referred to us as "hanging out." At the least, we'd say we're "dating" or "seeing each other." I just wanted to know some people's opinions. I do, however, think 3 monhts is a long time to not get a title.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 2:42pm
I see my bf 4-5x/week as well...and it still took us a good month and a half before we started using the bf/gf titles. I don't see why it would bother you, what does it matter? Or does it make you feel like this isn't "serious" to him? If so, discuss it with him. Let him know how you are feeling...good luck! Go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 4:57pm
I think what your real question is "Where do we stand"? 3 weeks is terribly short for most people. However, if you feel this needs to be settled than I would ask him how he views your relationship. Tell him what your expectations are and then ask him where e stands?

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 6:05pm
Just a FYI - Ive been dating this guy (hanging out) for about 3 months now. And we are still just dating. No talk of exclusiveness yet. I'm ok with this right now. Bizarre but I am. Reason why is that I feel secure in what we've got. And he & i have a good friendship developing, very solid. and a romantic connection that is becoming stronger.

I am dating off/on with others. Not sleeping with everyone either! But dating.

I think a title or the added pressure to go with exclusiveness right now is a waste of time.. because I'm not 100% sure he is relationship material, and I'm not sure I am able to committ at this moment.

Where are you at? Sometimes we demand of the guys we're dating something because we think it'll give us security or control .. and yet when we think about what we want and can give.. it sometimes doesn't match what we're asking... so Just see where you are at... and remember to just be patient -

Surfergirl

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 9:02am
Thanks for all the advice. I'm not so much looking for security or control...I already feel secure with him, and there's no need to feel in control. Since we see each other a lot of the week, I am pretty sure he isn't even casually dating anyone else. The nights he's not out with me, he's out with his friends. I don't really need to ask where we stand, as I basically know what's going on. I guess I was just more curious as to what other people thought of not having a title. It's actually funny, now that I think of it...my best friend was dating her bf for a few weeks and they decided to give each other the "titles"...but then a few weeks later, they decided they weren't serious enough, took the titles back and started dating other people (while still dating each other). I guess I'd rather have no title than take it away in a few weeks. :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 12:25pm
one thing ive learned with my many many dating experiences (and alot have failed, i will admit that) is to never let external things affect your rs w/ the person. e.g. what others think - friends, fam, etc. :)

not saying you depend upon other's opinions... but let things happen and judge for yourself. that is the only right way or answer to anything

and i do bite my tongue on what i wrote yesterday - i dont care about the guy ive been dating for 3 mos now and the title cuz i thought about how he told his friend sunday morning - 'im over at my friends' right now. we always refer to each other as friends since wwe're not bf/gf yet. this never bothered me until last night and i thought 'i dont want to be his friend, i want to be his gf'. so its time for the talk at this pt. and i dont think hes there yet. so I'm at a crossroads. Ironic.

it seems like you and this guy get along so well, so i hope it works out. sounds like you are going on the right path.

*S

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2003
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 4:35pm
You give the titles after the 2 of you talk about it, and agree thats what you want to be. After 3 weeks, I'd just consider it getting to know each other and hanging out too... regardless of if it was every day or once a week.


if you don't like calling it 'hanging out' perhaps call it 'dating' - unless of course you aren't actually going on dates, and really are just 'hanging out' :P

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 5:10pm
I agree that the title should not be an issue until the 2 of you talk about it and decide thats what you want. I was dating my bf for about 3 months before we agreed to use the title. It always came up and we had discussed it a lot. I could tell that he wasn't ready to put a title on what we had. I told him that I knew what we were and so did he. There was no reason that we needed to use the title to please everyone else, or let them know what we were. We are the ones in the realationship not them. Well, there were some issues and he finally brought it to me that he wanted to start saying that we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Needless to say, I was extatic! and we have been dating ever since - 5+ months now.

Basically, don't force it - just give it time to develop.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 12:05am

Three weeks is a short time.

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