how long before a title?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
how long before a title?
26
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 1:08pm
How long do you think you should date someone before there are titles (boyfriend/girlfriend) given?

I have been dating someone for 3 weeks. We see each other about 4-5 times/week...but he still says we've "only been hanging out a short time." It drives me nuts. If we were only hanging out, I'd see him 4-5 times in total, not per week.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2004
Wed, 06-09-2004 - 2:57pm
i know it sounds kinda submissive, but guys scare off so easily, that I like to wait on titles until I hear how he introduces me to others. most guys will reveal how they feel by saying "this is my girlfriend so and so" or "the girl i've been seeing" or even "the girl i've been telling you about."

i mean, it's not 100%, b/c a lot of guys will just introduce you as your name even after you've been dating for years, but it can be a good indicator sometimes, and you don't have to have the "relationship defining talk."

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2004
Wed, 06-09-2004 - 3:24pm
you should talk to him about where you two stand so you know that both of you are on the same page. i was "seeing' a guy for about 5 months, and then found out that in his mind we were just "hanging out." you should find out sooner, than later. have a talk with the guy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Wed, 06-09-2004 - 4:22pm
Hello Jessa!

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Wed, 06-09-2004 - 4:23pm
Hello treero!

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 12:21am
Hey there surfergirl. :-)

I haven't read the rest of the responses to this post yet, but thought I'd respond to what you said coz it's what I just went through.

B/ground...I wanted a perm r/ship, went on a dating site. Met a great guy who also wanted a perm r/ship. We got on so well together right from the start that we freaked each other out. LOL So we decided we'd see each other and just take things as they were meant to happen, as well as continue to see other people (not sleeping with other people). We knew it wasn't a situation that could go on indefinitely, but suited us because we didn't want the bf/gf titles as soon as we thought - and weren't sure if we were ready for the responsibility of a serious relationship.

Two months later (after seeing/talking to each other every day) we'd both seen about 4 other people each. I decided to eventually lay it on the line. Basically took him to the beach one night (not as romantic as it sounds - it was cold and rainy and windy and we had to stay in the car) and said that for all intents and purposes, to the outside world we looked as though we were a couple, so why not just cut the pretence and see where it goes. If it doesn't work out, well at least we tried. I took a risk and laid my cards on the table, but I figured I'd rather know either way now than wonder forever.

BUT I also told him I didn't require an answer at that stage. Took him 5 days to decide he wanted to give it a go as well - and I dunno how I didn't go nuts during that time. LOL

Um..what's my point? Oh yeah....I've never done that before. Never laid it on the line and taken a risk at putting my feelings out there while not knowing the response I'd get back. I was preparing myself for him to say he couldn't commit (just like him preparing himself for me telling him I never wanted to see him again while we were sitting that night in my car).

Basically, I just gave it up to the world around me and allowed myself to say what was true for me, regardless of how the outcome might have sucked. In a way, it's pretty liberating. Reminded me that whatever happened, ultimately I would be ok.

I'd have that talk to your 'just friends' guy. Sounds like it's about that time.

Eve :-)

ps..I should also add that we've been 'official' for only two weeks and I think he's called everyone he knows on the planet to tell them he's "got a girlfriend now" - even his mother, while I was sitting next to him. Yikes! Typical Aries, can't make up his mind, but once he does, that's it!


Edited 6/10/2004 12:31 am ET ET by pureatheart11

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2004
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 8:22am
I agree that it hasn't been enough time to start demanding anything. I've been friends with a guy about 4 years. For the passed 2 years we've been "Seeing each other" on and off. We have just now been even talking about anything else. If it ever does turn to more I know that it will last a long time. I definately think a little bit of patience on your part will pay off.

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