How long is too long for guy to call?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
How long is too long for guy to call?
12
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 10:32pm

Hi there,

I can't believe i'm 30 and asking such a silly question but with the dating luck I've had all I can do is ask what's the status quo for such things as a guy calling to ask for a date!! Here's the situation: I meet a guy at a bar on a Friday night. We chat for an hour and really hit it off. he asks for my card, but I said I didn't have one (true). He then said, "ah, we go to the same places, we'll run into each other again" and I left the bar. I later kicked myself for not offering to get a pen. During our conversation we had figured out we knew a common person so I got in touch and asked for his number. I called the following thursday and left a message. He called me back in 15 minutes.. we chatted for an hour and it was really nice. he asked what I was doing for the weekend but I was busy. I told him I was having a BBQ the next night and he's welcome to come and he said that might be nice so to send him the invitation, which I did, but he didn't come to the BBQ.....

It's now Monday night and I haven't heard from him via phone or email. I really thought he was very happy that I called last week and I am wondering what is a realistic timeframe for when he would call me if he's truly interested? I would have liked to hear from him on Sunday or monday evening to ask how my BBQ went.. and maybe see if I want to get together this coming weekend. Maybe I'm expecting too much??? Any help appreciated... I was really keen to see this guy again but I'm new to playing hard to get and somewhat confused since he seemed to be wanting to ask me out this past weekend but I was busy.....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 11:27pm
I'd say if the guy doesn't call by Wednesday, he's probably not interested. Most guys will wait a couple of days before calling, so he won't appear over eager. The last time you talked to him was Thursday, so that is almost an entire week.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 1:08pm
You never can tell about these things....Boy time and girl time can be two different things, alas!

,
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Thu, 08-11-2005 - 6:44pm

Well I asked around and it's interesting - all the single people told me to not contact the guy, but all the married people (3 really nice couples) told me hands-down to send him an email to say hello and ask how his project is going. So that's what I did... I sent an nice short email and he replied really quickly! Described in great detail what he did on the weekend and told me he has been meaning to call me but working long long hours to meet the project deadline. He ended it by saying, "do you have plans this weekend?"

So I wrote back to answer his email... and ended it with, "I don't really have any plans this weekend, how about you?"

I haven't gotten another reply or phone call yet,it's been a little over one day... it's totally easy for him to invite me out now. I would kind of like to hear something before the actual weekend arrives if he wants to get together?? I mean Im sure it's possible he is so busy he doens't know if he'll have time this weekend but a quick note to say that might be nice. Will it be really strange if he doesn't come back with something by Friday??

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-11-2005 - 7:03pm

That sounds to me like a polite, friendship type email.

I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you, I'm not getting a "he's interested in you romantically" vibe from the two posts you've written about him.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Thu, 08-11-2005 - 7:51pm

both times, he "responded" to ur call and email...but he hasn't truly "initiated" anything. sure he has asked about whether you are free on a weekend, but it's another thing to ask, and another to actually do something. he "might" be interested a bit but he is either not able to really take out the time or is gettin anxious about "what's to come". OR, he is really not sure whether he is interested romantically, and wants to take it easy as pals. i would say, just get busy and don't think about him too much. if he calls/emails, good. the ball's really in his court now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Thu, 08-11-2005 - 11:05pm
If he doesn't call you before or during the weekend, I'd say he's not interested. You've made it really easy for him to get together with you, so there is no excuse on his part for not calling. He can't pull the "I'm afraid she'll reject me" card, because you let him know you are interested in him. You initiated the contact so the onus is on him to make the next move.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Sat, 08-13-2005 - 12:15pm

Update:

So after his email on wed asking me if had plans, i wrote saying I didn't.. but didn't get a reply on thurs or fri. Fri morning i realized there was an amazing fireworks show on Sat night that I really want to see.. the last show for the summer. So I said screw it and I sent him a quick email saying I knew he must be super busy (day his project was due) but I just got two tickets and would he like to go with me. But something told me after a day of getting no response, it just wasn't like him to ignore an invitation outright like that. So I called around 9pm Fri night... and he hadn't been in the office so didn't check email and didn't get my message... said he'd Love to go with me to the fireworks show! So we chatted for an hour.... and officially have a date this evening. Maybe it was me that pushed for it.. but at least I"ll get to see in person if there's any interest on both sides.i had to go with my gut instinct on this one... I thik he's really passive when it comes to relationships, just a feeling I have. He also lives with his parents for half the year! Said he would explain that to me later.... a tad odd for a guy in his mid thirties, but I'm willing to give him a chance.

Thanks for your advice and I'll keep you posted. If date 1 goes well I will totally leave future action to him!!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 12:03am

Hey there, how did the date go Sat night?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 10:39am
Yeah but some guys take a while to call - girl time and boy time can be very different.
,
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 10:17pm

hey there,

it actually went really well! He picked me up and we went to the fireworks show - an outdoor event. It was awesome, he's really funny and we had a great time. Later we went to the bar we met at to meet up with some of his friends, one of which was having their birthday. We didn't stay there too long because we were both pretty tired. He drove me home and we chatted a bit in the car by my house. He kissed me and it was awesome, I have to admit! I said I had a great time and he said he did too and he would call me the next day to see if I wanted to play tennis... and Sunday came and he did call. we played a bit and hung out by the health club pool. When we parted he said his birthday is on tuesday and there'd be a party sometime that week and he'd let me know. I didn't want to ignore his birthday, so this morning I sent him a cake at his work (I didn't go up, I had it sent up) and he replied via email thanking me saying it was really sweet of me. I wanted to say happy birthday in person though, so I left a voice mail for him after work. I knew he'd be having dinner with his parents this evening...

Unfortunately, I guess because I've been burned so many times before by guys who seemed interested that I"m a little skeptical and second guessing everything again. I wish I wasn't like that but I cant help but expect he'll be gone in a week or so. I hope I'm wrong because I do quite like him and would really like to get to know each other better. I'm only used to the fireworks, crach and burn scenario so I'm totally not used to anything classified as 'normal'. I really didn't want to take more initiative, but I just didn't feel right ignoring his birthday, birthdays are a really big thing to me!

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