how long will someone "use" you for sex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2003
how long will someone "use" you for sex?
3
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 3:29pm
well, i know that was a harsh title but let me explain. I started to date this guy early october, we hit it off, or so i thought anyway. i am VERY busy b/c i work and im a full time nursing student. i wasnt very available to this guy. anyway, we hung out here and there (1-2times) week. sometimes alone, other times with friends. I got very mixed feelings about how he felt about me, and weather or not he was just hanging out with me so he could sleep with me....so told him how i felt and said i was looking for more than a bed buddy so we called it quits.....a few weeks later, hes practically begging to hang out with me, and telling me he's changed, and he can see a future with us, just not now b/c im too busy, etc...so i gave it another shot, and i guess about a month later we are back to square one. its like he is a commitment phobe or something, or maybe he just simply doesnt like me enough to be with me exclusively. i mean we've been "dating" for almost six months and i dont see very much progress. but how long would someone hang on just b/c i was sleeping with him? he is very attractive and can easily be sleeping with other people but he's not (i know hes not b/c i talk to him online almost every night). im not REALLY emotionally attached b/c i knew ahead of time hes a little afraid of commitment so i was careful and decided he was just a "fun" dating partner till i find someone who is more well rounded.

im not sure where im going with this, but i just wanted your opinions on this, and was

wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation?? its just hrad to let him go b/c i feel like maybe it will or can workout, but yet it hasnt yet. also, he is the one to always contact me first weather its calling, emailing, instant messaging etc....maybe im a challenge for him and thats why he's still hanging on?? but then he bluntly say he doesnt want a relationship, then a few weeks later he'll say he does!!?? what!!??
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

Most guys will tell you...As long as they CAN!


Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
"how long would someone hang on just b/c i was sleeping with him?"

Until someone else who he's more interested in comes along. Sad but true.

"maybe he just simply doesnt like me enough to be with me exclusively."

I think you nailed it. I'm sorry. I think if you want more than casual sex, you should end it now before you get more emotionally attached.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 10:04pm
Basically, he likes dating you and having sex with you but when it comes down to it, doesn't see relationship potential and as a nurse you are taking quite a big health risk assuming he is not having sex with others - perhaps he is online even when he's in his bedroom, perhaps he signs on from another person's apartment, perhaps he has sex during the day - assuming like that when it has to do with life or death is dangerous, IMHO.

Here is how you know whether he sees relationship potential - tell him you are not comfortable sleeping with him any longer outside of an exclusive relationship and see how long he sticks around.