How much time to give him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2005
How much time to give him?
16
Fri, 11-04-2005 - 11:18am

Hey! I have done serveral posts about his guy I am dating. Should I have the talk or not. I had told him how I felt at a bar and in a written letter. Well, he had never told me how her felt. Well, on monday I had the talk with him. I told him exactly how I felt and that I wanted a serious realtionship with him. He said, that he liked me but didn't know if he wanted to be serious. I half expected that answer. He was put on the spot. I said, to him you mean you don;t know and he said yes I do not know. We had a couple of other private matters to discuss. I kinda understand that he didn't know. After the talk we went and had dinner. We hugged goodbye and I kissed him on each cheek and I told him I meant everything I said and he said I know. He also gave me a kiss on the lips. We also dicussed seeing a movie together. I thought for sure he would not call , but he did. Another innocent date. It is his bday this weekend and he might be renting a stretch hummer and he mentioned he'd give me a call or meet up somewhere, cause I am going out with girlfriends for a girls night. I thought he would go back home for his bday.

Is this a promising situtation? Honestly, I feel our conversation went well. I was surprised. I felt we really bonded that night, we also discussed other private matters and that went well,
How long should I wait to ask about whether he knows if he wants to be serious with me? I am thinking give him a couple of weeks...??. I am hoping that I will not have to bring up the serious issue. It is his turn.
I did find out that while he has been seeing me he has been dating another girl from back home.It is over. He has not seen her in a month and will not be seeing her again. Trust me..

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-04-2005 - 11:29am

gal jen1234...

Pianoguy suggests that you keep your distance from this gentleman for at least 2 weeks!

If he doesn't contact you and ask "WHAT'S WRONG" within that time frame...WRITE HIM OFF!

You've made 2 attempts at getting a commitment out of him...and from my vantagepoint, I don't think that'll happen?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Fri, 11-04-2005 - 1:19pm
Gotta agree with PG. If a guy says he doesn't want a commitment believe him. Even if you managed to coerce him into having a relationship, he will only feel trapped and act strange around you (not calling, taking you for granted, spending every weekend with friends, etc...) He will never give you the kind to relationship you want or deserve.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Fri, 11-04-2005 - 2:02pm
if i was you i would try and let him make the second move (after all you did make the first)!
give him some time though as something like that isnt going to be taken lightly!
i would give him about 2 weeks and if he says nothing then gently bring up the conversation again; but make sure he isnt feeling pressurised.
mind you what do i know!? Thats just my advice use if you want and keep us posted! but also please make sure hes worth you time before you get to wrapped up in it all! to many gals i know have wasted too much time on guys who just aint worth it xxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2005
Fri, 11-04-2005 - 3:52pm
I have no problem with making the first move. He has to be the one that makes the next serveral moves,if he is truly interested in relationship. Now the ball is in his court. I will be patient for a couple of weeks, but he will need to let me know one way or another what he wants. My feelings for him are growing and he needs to let me know.
I thinks it is a good sign that we have already went to the movies post talk and he called me. He also mentioned meeting up on his bday.That part has yet to happen. I think if he calls me to go out on his bday with him and his friends then that is a good sign. Now I did tell him that I wanted to take him to dinner next week for a bday treat and told him to call whenever he was free. Ithink that will be the test.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Sat, 11-05-2005 - 1:28pm
i think your totally right! see if he phones about his birthday thing but try not to get annoyed if he doesnt. If he doesnt then arrange for you two to meet up some other time, but if i was you i would keep it casual and just subtly tell him you are still interested! i know how frustrating things like this can be as i have been through it and (like most women) so have my friends. i just hope that it works out best for you two in the end xxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Sat, 11-05-2005 - 2:32pm

Jen,


I think you're misinterpreting the signals here.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sat, 11-05-2005 - 4:33pm

Jen,


I'm afraid you're going to get in a situation here... this guy told you he doesn't want anything serious. Regardless of where he invites you or who is there, I think you should listen to what he said in response to your admission of feelings. I've known guys who bring girls home to their mother and friends as though it was nothing... So that doesn't really say anything.


Please, please listen to what he is saying. He's saying he doesn't want anything serious. By you hanging out with him, you are basically saying that you are accepting the terms of what he wants.


I'm worried your going to get hurt here. It's fine that you keep hanging out with him, so long as you're willing to accept that it may end with you getting hurt.


Hope this helps.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Sun, 11-06-2005 - 7:21am
He's already pretty much stated he doesn't want a relationship why waste your time if that is really what you want?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Sun, 11-06-2005 - 7:21am
ITA!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 11-06-2005 - 1:06pm
i just had the same situation with a guy. we dated for about 5 months and i fell in love with him. everyone knew we were together etc. so when i brought up the subject his response was the same as your guys response.....well, i got my heart broken b/c i didnt really listen and waited patiently for him. well, we broke up and afterwards i found out he had been seeing other girls while seeing me. i must say though, that guys like this do lead us on b/c they say things and act ways that make you feel like it is serious with the both of you. cut him off if a relationship is what you are after. he will not give that to you now....

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