How much time to give him?
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| Fri, 11-04-2005 - 11:18am |
Hey! I have done serveral posts about his guy I am dating. Should I have the talk or not. I had told him how I felt at a bar and in a written letter. Well, he had never told me how her felt. Well, on monday I had the talk with him. I told him exactly how I felt and that I wanted a serious realtionship with him. He said, that he liked me but didn't know if he wanted to be serious. I half expected that answer. He was put on the spot. I said, to him you mean you don;t know and he said yes I do not know. We had a couple of other private matters to discuss. I kinda understand that he didn't know. After the talk we went and had dinner. We hugged goodbye and I kissed him on each cheek and I told him I meant everything I said and he said I know. He also gave me a kiss on the lips. We also dicussed seeing a movie together. I thought for sure he would not call , but he did. Another innocent date. It is his bday this weekend and he might be renting a stretch hummer and he mentioned he'd give me a call or meet up somewhere, cause I am going out with girlfriends for a girls night. I thought he would go back home for his bday.
Is this a promising situtation? Honestly, I feel our conversation went well. I was surprised. I felt we really bonded that night, we also discussed other private matters and that went well,
How long should I wait to ask about whether he knows if he wants to be serious with me? I am thinking give him a couple of weeks...??. I am hoping that I will not have to bring up the serious issue. It is his turn.
I did find out that while he has been seeing me he has been dating another girl from back home.It is over. He has not seen her in a month and will not be seeing her again. Trust me..

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ok my advice will be a little different because you just recently asked the C word from him. He said "i dont know". he didn't say "no" nor did he say "i cant have a rs, because of x or y reasons"... My take on this is this.
He was going with the flow, then bam you brought up serious talk. He was just enjoying the time with you.
My dad is a great dating advice giver when he does do 'girl talk', which isn't often. But when he does... his same response to senarios such as this one is, "girl, what areyou think ing asking a guy if he wants to be serious?". "of course he'll say no! or i dont know". guys don't instinctively want to have a committment.
Guys get into serious committments, because they realize they like spending time with you. They think you are special, more special than other girls out there. and darnit, they dont want anyone else to have you. Thats when they will go into committments. Until then, they enjoy the time w/ you. And other girls.
If you are willling to be patient... I'd NOT bring it up ever again ... give it two months. Act like you have been. He will probablky distance himself a little or alot, depending on how much he got scared or whatever. Then he'll come back with something. two months is abou teh time I think he should know. What you need to do is keep yourself busy. Be receptive, not active. meaning dont ask him to do things. this is VERY important right now. Act hard to get ... and yes be unavailable when he asks to do things. It will be incredibly hard to do because instinctively you will htink this will tell him you aren't intersted in him. you think this will push him away. It really wont if he likesyou. It'll make him go after you if hes interested. By doing this, he may realize that 'darn i really want this girl just with me and no one else'. This is the only way he'll realize such a thing.
Most people at this stage - do the opposite, they go after the guy. And well, it'll happen. But if you do like I said, if hes really into you, it'll work. If not,l then you know. But i say give it two months and act very cool, receptive and like you have. Just a little less availabel. It'll make him wonder... "hmm is she with somene else" and he needs to think about that. Cuz when he does, it'll let him know if he really likes you to pt of not lettting any other guy have you.
Good luck.
Hey Thanks.
I will give him a little time to figure out if he wants to be serious with me. He asked me to the movies last week after our talk and he said he would call me to figure out what movie to see. I figured he wouldn't call. Normally, if I would not have heard from him by like 7 or 8 the day we were supposed to go out, I would call him and say hey are we still on? I have no problem with calling. Now, after the talk I let him call if he wants to go out. I will not call. I will always return a call. I would always call on the weekends to see what he is doing and I made no attempt. I called to wish him a Happy Birthday. We just kept on missing each other yesterday.
I will say, I WAS PUT IN SITUATION WHERE I HAD TO HAVE THE TALK WITH HIM. Honestly, I wanted to have the talk with him badly, but would always chicken out. This time I could not chicken out.I was planning to wait a couple of months too see how things were gonna go and then talk. I am gonna go about my life and try to stay busy and hopefully he will realize what he wants. Thanks for your advise.
Oh, SG, I could NOT disagree more given what this poster has said about this guy in other posts.
She needs to MOVE ON, period. This guy is not going to come around, and giving her false hope is just NOT a good idea.
Sheri
Um, sure...and pigs could fly as well.
But yes, if she has nothing better to do than waste two months of her life, she should go right ahead. Of course, she COULD also use the time to move on so that she's ready to meet someone who IS right for her that much sooner.
Sheri
different prospectives. like the half empty/full glass thing.
I dont see it as a waste of time. If she spent a year of her life, thats when i say, "um ok, stop wasting your pretty". Two months. Nah? Thats nothing. I think every effort spent to learn and grow is good. We throw the towel in too soon these days... with everything.
The benefit of trying something new and getting closure at the same time (if hes not interested) - is worht it IMO.
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