How often should I communicate with a casual date?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2002
How often should I communicate with a casual date?
3
Tue, 02-25-2014 - 12:37am

Hi all, I met this guy at a friend's birthday party in late December (I'm 27, he's 29 and we live in the same area), we were both attracted and started seeing each others.

We were texting daily and hanging out several times a week on the first few weeks. He brought me to his friends' gatherings (drinks/ dinner) for a few times and introduced me as his friend (his friends liked me). And he kept telling his friends that he always hanged out with me. However, we didn't let our common friends know about us since we had mutual agreement that we didn't want peer pressure and we would like to see how things go first.

Things changed when we were out for drinks 3 weeks ago, we got drunk and slept. 

There was a big change in our communication and dating pattern since 3 weeks ago. We stopped crazily texting (number of texts dropped from 100/ day to a few every 1 or 2 days), we stopped meeting on Monday to Thurs but "automatically reserved" at least 1 or 2 days on the weekends for each others, just the two of us. We often planned the next date ahead and stopped chit chatting during the week (e.g When it comes to an end of a date, we would confirm what's happening on next Friday, and either of us would grab tickets for movies / shows during the week then notify the other party about it).

I wonder if there was a good change after the previous weekend. We hanged out last Friday night and sleptover at his place. We went to our common friends' gathering on Saturday night (still pretending to be normal friends.. weird huh). We went for movies again on Sunday morning, and he suddenly asked me to text our common friends during the day, and let them know that we were hanging out for the whole day today and see if anyone wanna hang out with us later at night. End up my friends weren't free. People started asking if we were dating and I didn't know what to tell them.

We've just planned our next date ahead (movies on the weekend) and stopped chit chatting during the week again. I wonder if this is normal. I'm not officially his girlfriend and I didn't want to act like an annoying woman who kept texting him nonsense and expecting him to keep chatting. What are we now? 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 02-25-2014 - 10:50am

I think you are in the normal getting to know you stage--I mean it's only been about 2 months since you met.  You could not possibly keep up the pace that you started out with--who has the time to text someone 100x/day--and you'd quickly run out of things to say.  Also I think that hanging out several times a week right in the beginning of a relationship is too much--it would be nice to have a happy medium of seeing each other once during the week plus on weekends.  I think maybe he is pulling back just a little because he doesn't want to rush things but obviously he still likes you if he's planning the next weekend's date in advance and you saw him the whole weekend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2002
Thu, 02-27-2014 - 1:49am

Thanks! Musiclover12. However, i'm not sure if it's really normal to have such rare communication during the week :(

We've just been forwarding interesting news articles / telling him about my happy hour this week.
And we won't fix our date until Friday. Isn't it a bit weird.... to stay close on the weekends but not chatting on weekdays? 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003

I don't know..I'm probably too old at 43, and having been with my dh for 10 years now. It was all very simple and straightforward with us, and quick too. He pursued me, relentlessly. Phoned me, texted me, emailed me, arranged dates, activites etc. By week three he started staying at mine for weekends, brought his clothes over, toothbrush etc.  By week four, he asked me, officially lol, to be his girlfriend. At 3 months, he asked me to come with him to his country of origin, Italy, to meet all of his family and friends. There was never any confusion. Noone talked aobut casual dating  or any need to hide us being together from anyone. We slept together 10 days after meeting. It all intensified from then on...

I'm just saying..if it's right..if the person's right for you and you for him, and if it's the right time in both your lives then in most cases it at least SHOULD be very simple and leave you in no doubt whatseover as to what's going on...........