how often to talk when dating??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2007
how often to talk when dating??
2
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 11:53pm
When you are first dating someone, how often do you talk to them (phone, text, e-mail, whatever) or see them in any given week?
I ask this because I have been dating this guy for ONE MONTH now....and we have been out maybe 1-2 times a week, maximum.
We harly EVER talk on the phone (maybe once a week for a few minutes, to plan the date) and he we will MAYBE text message a couple times back and forth once every few days. Maybe like 3 times in a week total.
He told me a couple weeks ago that he doesn't like/isn't good at talking on the phone, so that's why he doesn't call. But now that we have been dating for a month, and we have been intimate, I feel that we should be talking a bit more! We both agreed to go "slow" when we first met, but this is WAYYYY slow for me.
When we see eachother, he is great...but in the times apart, it seems he doesn't even miss me!!
If he really missed me, wouldn't he call/text? And I'm not expecting him to call and talk for hours--just a few minutes to check in.
And I know that we are still just "dating"-- at least neither one of us has initiated the "where is this going?" talk yet, and I don't want to be too forward and scare him off! I would rather let him pursue me...that's also why I haven't called him! I do occassionally text him first though!
My question is: when you have been dating for a month, how often should you talk to/see the person? Is he not very interested or what? I just wish he would show more interest and call/text me more. How can I tell if a man is TRULY interested in me?
any responses appreciated-
THANKS in advance!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 8:59am

This does not sound odd to me especially if he is someone who does not really like talking on the phone or is a really busy person. In fact, I have been dating a guy for about the same length of time and we are very much the same way. However, that being said, I also make it a point to continue dating other people because he and I are not exclusive yet. By dating other people, I think it keeps me from sitting around and waiting on a phone call or text and it keeps me from worrying when I don't hear from him. If this really bothers you, I would talk with him about it and see if he would be okay with more frequent communication.

YG

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 11:35am

yogagirl brings up a good point - exclusivity. Are the two of you exclusive? If not, it may explain the distance in communication. It is there for a reason. In the way past, I used to see telephone frequency (no texting) varied from everyday to 4 times per week - depending upon the type of relationship it was. The length of conversation was varied as well. If you want to speak to him more but he doesnt like the phone you have a bit of a problem.

"If he really missed me, wouldn't he call/text?" - yes.

"how often should you talk to/see the person?" - varies depending on work or school or family schedule AND the status of the relationship.

"How can I tell if a man is TRULY interested in me?" - There is no set formula because people are so different, but generally the more of an active interest he takes in your life overall (without being dictatorial), the more of himself he is investing in your relationship. Is he concerned about you? Is he happy for you when things go well? Does he know what you do for a living (or school major) and what it entails? Does he ask you your opinion on things? Does he value your opinion? Does he try to meet you halfway on social events and outtings, taking your interests into consideration? Does he tell you that he misses you? Does he still kiss you the way he did when you first started dating? Some guys only kiss when they want sex. When you are ill does he take an interest? Does he try to please you in bed? Is he proud of you?

I could go on and on, and these are the types of questions you should ask yourself to see how interested you are in him. Sometimes women end up liking a guy just because he shows an interest in her (dating is tough these days). That is not always the best way to go about dating. We've all done it and it doesn't end up well. If he never expressed an interest in you, would YOU still find him interesting?

As time goes on, I usually look to see that his actions and his words match in terms of his interest in me. If he says "I love you" does his actions support that phrase? "Love" means so many different things to so many different people and how a person expresses love can take on many shapes.