How to Quit Stressing/Obsessing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2006
How to Quit Stressing/Obsessing?
2
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 1:03am

See my original post "I want a relationship, he doesn't" for background.

Basically, I met a guy I'm crazy about. He is going thru the final stages of divorce. I was worried about his intentions. But, we finally had that discussion & he seems genuinely interested & true. I think I really underestimated him.

My instincts are usually correct. Mine are telling me this is a nice, decent guy I have. But, the "burn victim" in me is still freaking out. "What if he is lying", "Does he really like me", etc, etc. I feel like this insecure girl that is always second-guessing herself.

I'm thinking back on past guys & I haven't really acted like this. Then again, I haven't dated in about 3 YEARS! So, maybe I'm getting older & that damn biological clock is ticking? Or, maybe my self-esteem has wained.

Anyone else with this problem? How did you overcome it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 6:00am

cherlem...

PG suggests that the 2 of you "cultivate the friendship between you"...and after 6 months (or a year)...see where things are?

There's NO TIME FRAME when it comes to how soon! Simply because ALL COUPLES have to take things at a pace that's comfortable for themselves.

Let the man clear up his divorce issues while you continue to be A GOOD FRIEND who doesn't expect anything more serious to happen between the 2 of you.

Pianoguy

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 12:08pm

I got counseling to deal with my self-esteem issues. It's helped in that department tremendously. I've learned that obsessing about something doesn't change things I can't control--it just makes me miserable and increases the chances that a guy won't be right for me (because he won't be able to deal with my insecurities). So I've learned to let go and remember that "time will tell". I've learned to stay a little skeptical for at least the first 3-4 months and observe and evaluate the other person's behavior to make sure he's right for me, too, rather than only being concerned about whether he is going to pick me. I still have my moments ;-), but they are much fewer and farther between than they used to be, believe me!

I thought you just broke up with someone? Is that what you mean by not dating in 3 years, because you were in a relationship?

Sheri