How to reject women..ladies

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
How to reject women..ladies
6
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 10:59pm
So how do i do it? It does'nt seem to work when i tell them i just wanna be friends. I just got home tonite from the gym, and i work out with this girl/friend of mine at bally's. She's one of the friends that want me as a bf. She told me tonite

"the more we hang out together, i believe your feelings for me will change, and we can have a relationship"

That shocked me! So we had a little discussion for 5 minutes about it, and i told her, that i just want to be friends. If i wanted to be in a relationship with you, that would of happened a year ago. She got upset and left in the middle of our workout

I tried calling her on her cell, but she turned it off

Now i dont know what to do!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 11:11pm
LOL well I'm kinda surprised she actually admitted that, but it's so true of a lot of women.

Guy: I just want to be friends. (means: I just want to be friends)

Girl: Ok, me too. (means: I'll charm you into wanting more from me, because you'll see how good I am for/to you and you won't be able to help but fall for me)

Guy: Really, I only want to be friends. I don't want a relationship. (means: I just want to be friends)

Girl: Yes, I understand. (means: It's only a matter of time and he'll change his mind)

In this instance, I don't really see that you're at fault anywhere. She's stated her intentions. You've stated yours. They did not match. She's upset. You're wondering why. I wouldn't try calling her. Her ego would be bruised enough without you having to tell her again, "like I said, you're a great girl and all, and I wanna be friends, but I just don't want a relationship with you". Sucks to hear that anytime.

Let her get back to you in her own time. She probably feels a bit stupid, but she did assume more than you were offering.

In her defence...at least she was honest.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 9:45am
Don't call her - you said you want to be friends and if you call then you are just rubbing it in.

I don't think you need to stomp on her ego to make the point.

Just remember that you get what you give so it is best to always be considerate and kind when dealing with relationships.

Avatar for eliancat2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 10:43am
When you say she is a girl/friend of yours do you mean "friend" as in a 100% platonic friendship or do you mean "friend" as in a friends with benefits type relationships?

If it was 100% platonic, I congratulate you on your honesty and integrity.

If it is more of a friends with benefits situation, it is easy for me to see how she may have been confused or misled.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 10:48am
Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do about this. I've seen this happen so many times, sometimes by me!, when one person wants more than the other. The only way out for you is to not call her, to let her come to terms with her disappointment on her own. Sadly, experience says she will remain hopeful of getting together with you despite what you tell her.

I appreciate your honesty with her. This is a trait of a nice guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 11:51am
Unfortunetly too many women think along the same lines as your friend. That the man will somehow change his mind about the girl, because he'll realize how much fun he can have with her.

Sounded like a little bit of a slap in the face what you replied to her though, "if I wanted a relationship, it would have started a year ago". Not only did you reiterate that you never want to be more than friends, but it would've happened upon first meeting her, right? So now she feels like she's not good enough and never had a chance, which is only partially true. She is a good person, just not what you are looking for.

The next time a woman bears her soul like that, just say, "I am only looking for a friendship here, if you have other intentions, I don't, I'm sorry."

On the other hand, I can't believe she said that to you!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 2:39pm
This is very strange to me because