How to spot a Marriage Proposal?
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| Thu, 10-26-2006 - 12:34am |
As a newbie here, would like to seek your help in understanding my situation-hopefully there'll be some answers or guides for me in idenfitying this! :)
Have been dating A for 1+yrs now. We did break up once for 3mths, and we dated different people briefly at the time, but we got back together again-after we somewhat realized we were meant for each other. The reason why I broke it off that time was the fact that he told me he wasn't the marrying type-he felt that it was over-rated. He didn't mind living together, doing the things 'married' people did, but he just didn't believe in the religious aspect of it (i.e.having a church wedding,etc)! I DO want to get married-and hopefully to him. Now that we're back together, I've come to terms that I may never get married if I want to be with him. He's 16yrs my senior (in his 40s) and am not about to change his mind on his views on marriage, I'm in my late 20s.
Despite the age gap, it has never been an issue-we connect in every way; compatability and chemistry. We are comfortable and feel secure with one another while still able to balance our social lives. We have different sets of friends, colleagues etc. which allows us to share/do more things together. However things over the few weeks have gotten more serious- with talks about getting a place together, and me already spending weeks at his place.
So last night, I got a call from him to come "save him" from a nightclub. Apparently he's been out with his colleagues and obviously had a drink too many. So, after "saving him" and now we're having late supper at a diner, he begins to tell me how much he loves me and he's been thinking about how our lives would be like in 20yrs from now, together. Then he suddenly asks me to MARRY HIM!
Was it just spontaneity on his part, or was it the alcohol talking? I already know he gets really emotional when he's had too many drinks, but he's never asked me to marry him. Or was it just his way of approaching this, when he wouldn't have the nerve to when he's sober? At that time, I knew better to not give him an answer as I didn't want to "jump-the-gun" and take things too literally.
I'm thinking of talking to him about this. I do have a feeling he's just going to deny and blame it on the alcohol. So, how do I approach talking to him about this without putting the pressure on him?
Is a marriage proposal "valid" only when there's a ring and him on bended knee?

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Thanks so much for all your replies.
As an update, what happened has turned positive for our relationship - when he was in his temporary MIA status, I had decided to give him the space he needed to miss me. And he did!
When he finally came around, it had fuelled a deeper commitment towards me. Things are going very well - and I can see him progressing... taking our relationship more seriously and definitely including me more in his life - hopefully one day he'll propose for real? Sure am crossing my fingers! Already as it is, we're deciding on things as a unit - we're looking for property to build our future home. I can see that my participation is appreciated in his crucial decision making.
He's also started asking more questions - about marriage and other key issues that we could encounter should we be husband and wife...e.g how we should raise our children,etc.etc.
I've also taken into account his insecurities and am more sensitive to ensuring him that how ever he feels undeserving, I'm still going to be by his side, and that he shouldn't push me away.
Baby steps. Baby steps.
Edited 11/8/2006 9:13 am ET by magpie_susie
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