How/when to ask about his family & LTR's
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How/when to ask about his family & LTR's
| Tue, 03-02-2004 - 9:21am |
I’ve been on 2 dates with J, for the last 2 consecutive Sundays. Our next date, which he has fixed as early on as last Sunday, is lined up for this coming Sunday. Whilst talking we realised that we also hang out at the same places on Saturday nights, so J suggested I let him know where I am during the course of the night so that he can spot me. Our first kiss took place on this 2nd date, after confirming for date 3. So far I think we’re doing quite good, taking it slow & easy. The body language was good as well; J’s got beaming smiles, he was snatching looks at me every so often during the movie and also playing with my hair. By the way, J’s 33 and I’m 28, so not that young. We’ve both got very busy lives cos of our careers. I got to know J at a conference, so I don’t know much about his personal life, except that which he’d told me himself, and that was mainly about his studies, career and interests. Would I appear too nosy if I ask him about his family? He’s definitely never been married before, but when & how would it be appropriate to ask about previous relationships? I would really appreciate your advice since so far everything seems ok & I don’t want to ruin it by asking him something inappropriate.

Heck my guy told me everything about his family before we even started to date each other LOL but I feel that its ok to ask J so tell me about your family do you have any brothers or sisters and so forth and I feel that J will tell you and then he will ask you about your family do it in a casual way not like your interragating him or anything so good luck!!
As for past relationships... well, there are some people that say you should never ask about past relationships. I think it really depends on the people involved. But I don't think you should pry for this information. If he's forthcoming with it, great, if he's not, I would pretty much leave it. It's still very early in the relationship- give it time and don't press the matter. Everybody is different, and it might take longer for some people to open up.
sounds like everything is really going well. i don't think it's too nosy to ask about the family or past relationship. after all you are getting to know him. learning about how many long term relationships he's had is not nosy. it's not like you're asking for details, just an overview. if you want a LTR with him, it's good to know if he's the type who's had LTRs. it does matter how you approach it, asking once or twice is fine...asking constantly is not. silence can speak volumes. if he's unwilling to divulge a little, it's a red flag. the worse that can happen is that you find out now he's not interested in a LTR. and since it's just started, you can save yourself alot of time and hurt. it doesn't make sense to start asking these questions months down the line when you are more attached and invested in the relationship to find out that he's not looking for something more serious and committed. i got this advice from a professional. i had this same dilemma with the guy that i'm currently dating. i felt less guilty for asking when the logic of the argument was laid before me. but let the buyer beware, you must be prepared to hear whatever he's going to tell you. good luck. he sounds like a sweetie!
You said you've been out on 2 dates - and one was a movie. That doesn't leave alot of chat time? Say you've only spent 6-8 hours together and 2 of them in a movie theatre...not alot of time to start talking about your family and past r/ships. Personally, I won't start sharing that stuff until I am SURE its worth it *(ie, going somewhere) and sure of the person's character (ie, can handle it w/o being judgemental).
I think you should slow down a little and let things happen naturally. Usually conversation flows so that when you share something like "in my family we always spend xmas dinner together" and then the other person shares their family's xmas tradition. Its give and take without the "interview" type questioning. Just a suggestion.
Have fun! Go.