A huge dilemma-HELP!
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| Fri, 08-05-2005 - 9:17am |
Hi everyone:
I need some advice. I have been back with my boyfriend (we broke up for a month and then got back together) for about 3 weeks and things have been great. Now, we have a new hurdle to over come and I feel at loss as what to do.
He started at his new job 2 months ago and he is very very busy. It is his busy season right now (until about October or November) and he is expected to work from 8am until about 3am the next day, including weekends!!! On top of that, he is studying for a higher degree (for which right now he doesnt have the time for until busy season is over).
So you might think where does the time come for our relationship...well right now, there is no time!
So here is the thing. I love my boyfriend to death, he means the absolute world to me and I really want to be with him, but he has no time for me (right now anyway) and this will probably be the case every summer for the next 5 years or so. During the time we were broken up, I went on a date with a guy who was great to me, but I love my boyfriend and ended it when we got back together. This other guy had plenty of time for me and I enjoyed spending time with him...however, he isn't what I am looking for in a guy for a long term relationship while as my boyfriend is. Now that my boyfriend has 0 time for me, my thoughts are going back to spending time with this other guy...but I feel like I would be doing my boyfriend wrong if I did. What do I do?

Yes...spending time with the other guy while you're still dating your bf would NOT be the right thing to do. So let go of that notion.
However, if you can't deal with not being able to spend time with your bf (and I sure would have a hard time with that), then you need to end things. If you stay with him, you have to find a way to be ok with it, and fill your time with other things (NOT other men, LOL!).
Sheri
if it were me, i would continue being with my boyfriend who i think the world of, and with whom i can think of a long term relationship, even though the situation is challenging. dating this other guy, who u don't see a future with, is not a good idea when u already have ur heart with your boyfriend. so i'd say let go of this other guy. commitment requires having to go through the toughest times, and in this case, if he is with you on this, and he does want to be with u as well, it seems like a good idea to rough it out and see where it goes. but i would still be cautious and make sure he is not doing this to get away from me, and i'd want to see his interest alive through this time. despite the busiest schedules, i still think committed couples can find a way to make each other feel special, even if it means just calling them to say how much they r loved and missed. all the best to you.
Umm, no. I know it is frustrating that you cannot spend more time with your boyfriend especially now that you have just recently gotten back together, but hanging out with another guy that you used to date because you cannot hang with your b/f is a bad idea for everyone involved. Your b/f might not understand why you need to spend time with this guy. The other guy might get the wrong idea and think there is hope for a relationship yet or that you are actually still dating. It's not fair to him to keep him hanging on like that when he could get out and find an available woman to lavish attention on. You found your guy. Now let some lucky girl find this other guy.
Don't you have other friends or family you can spend time with when your b/f is unavailable? It is much better to focus on them than to go back to a guy that you could be misleading into believing something that isn't true.
Thanks everyone!
I have lots of friends and family to keep me busy and I am going back to classes soon, but as I am sure you understand it doesn't make up for spending time and being with my boyfriend and it is very very tough. I think I am just going to give him his space and then see what happens, if i still feel like I cannot deal with the separation in a few months then it is better to split and possibly stay friends.