I almost believed him

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
I almost believed him
4
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 5:13pm
Let me just get into it, I met a guy on the train, he was very nice and we exchanged numbers and email. He told me to call him, I sent an email the next morning, he responds for us to hang out that night. I agree, I take a friend and meet up with him and his friends. The night goes great, we dance talk our friends mingled well. He asked me to spend the night, I agreed. We cuddle and kiss all night, then he makes his move. I stop him to let him know that I want to wait, cause I want to see him again. He agrees that we'll see each other again regardless of what happens. We have a full intimate night. The next morning we meet up with our friends we say our goodbyes. He calls me a day later. I email him the next day. He responds to my emails. However, if I don't email, he won't contact me. Is it really having sex on the first night that made this situation? He was so different on the train and in the club and the bedroom. I was wondering if anything that I did wrong besides sleep with him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 5:45pm
Seems to me like you know the answer. For you to say, 'He agrees that we'll see each other again regardless of what happens' was just like saying he will tell me anything to get me into bed, and I will buy it.

So, what do you do? Learn from it and move on. If you think the guy might be only in it for sex the next time, then just don't have sex. Personally I have both moved quickly and taken it slow, with the same result- so there's no pattern there for me.

Alison

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 5:48pm
Have you really given this guy anytime to try and contact you? Wait a few days and see what happens he will call if he wants to see you again. If he doesn't then learn from it and move on, it happens to the best of us.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 6:05pm
You didn't do anything 'wrong' by sleeping with him.

What he wanted was affection, sex, ego boost and positive feelings - what he didn't want was obligation, commitment, requirement and responsibility.

He never was pursuing what he didn't want..he was always pursuing what he did want.

You agreed that waht he wanted - you wanted....you both indulged.

Are you now thinking that by default of that indulgence what automatically results is the desire to know one another more completely, to share life aspects other than sex, to like and respect one another as individuals?

Because "sex" doesn't require or inspire that level of desire or commitment to any particular person or for them.

He sought cuddling, kissing, flirtation and sex...you indulged and both were gratified in the indulgence.

If you're contacting him wanting more than sex and fun.....then you're probably barking up the wrong tree. Becasue if he's have wanted anything but those things - he'd have never pursue sex to the exclusion of all else at the beginning.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 6:13pm
Hon, you were his one night stand and if he wants to see you again it'll be to have more of the same. You had your fun and there's nothing wrong with that. If you like a guy and want a relationhsip with him then don't get in bed with him the same night you meet him. THAT sends the wrong message..."I like to hook up and will probably do it again if you ask me to". This guys seemed to have charmed you and that's all it's to it. Cross it as experience and move on.