I am mixed up - I need your thoughts
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| Sun, 04-08-2007 - 3:36pm |
Some of you know I post about the unreliable guy every so often. We have been seeing each other for a few months.
Last week I had a talk with him about exclusivity, amount of time we spend together and my concerns. I asked him if our relationship was casual or if he wanted to keep it casual. He said he didn't think it was that casual and he said he wasn't dating others. I asked if maybe we can dedicate at least a certain day a week to see each other (on a day that is not busy for him). He said Mondays, he would make the effort in spending more time with me.
This weekend, I invited him over. He said he would shower first and then call me. I call him a few hours later to see if he was still coming over. He hesitated, he didn't feel like coming over. He said he had to get up early the next day. He didn't tell me that earlier. Then about 15 minutes he calls and said hes on his way (I sense that he thought I was upset which I was)...
He spent the night but he couldn't perform. The other night he could barely perform. He had pulled a tendon in his shoulder a month ago, he says it affects his performance because it puts a strain in his whole body.
But somehow I take it more personally. Maybe hes not into me anymore? Maybe he got tired of me? He didn't bring up spending time this coming Monday....
I keep getting this feeling that he is tiring of me. That hes not really into me. Maybe hes afraid of commitment. Maybe he really is busy....Maybe he has a lot on his mind...

"He said he didn't think it was that casual and he said he wasn't dating others. I asked if maybe we can dedicate at least a certain day a week to see each other (on a day that is not busy for him). He said Mondays, he would make the effort in spending more time with me."
I think this is a step in the right direction in your relationship. I applaud you for bringing it up, and think that he responded positively.
As for this weekend, perhaps his difficulty performing as of late is making him avoidant. If he said he'd call you back after his shower and didn't give an affirmative "Yes, I'll come over", then I think him saying he's not coming over isn't unreasonable since he never said he would...though it would've been nice if he'd said that from the beginning!
It sounds as if you've posted about him in the past and I'm new to the board, so I don't know your history, but is it possible that the talk of exclusivity has left him feeling a little pressured?
Personally, I prefer for a guy to do more of the getting a hold of me than I do of him. I do it to keep them on their toes and to not seem overly needy. Perhaps you can try contacting him a little less often to see how he reacts - whether he steps up and contacts you more frequently, or whether he remains semi-distant could be a big indicator for you.
Good luck, and hope that helps!
Annie
His response to your question was "he didn't think it was that casual and he said he wasn't dating others."
To me this answer is as unrelaible as he is. I don't get why you keep seeing this man, if you know he's so unrelaible. Who likes that? You?
You should have asked him if he considered your relationship serious AND exclusive. He had to give yu a direct answer "yes" or "no". He may not be dating other women, but does he consider you his GF or just a friends who he has sex with and calls from time to time? At the stage where you are, where you have sex with him, I'd seriously consider putting the cards of the table. Are you sure he's not sleeping around? He's not dating, but is he sleeping around? Think about STDs and aids..it takes once.
His lack of performance issue may be due to his shoulder injury OR other type of factor. It's possible that he's feeling the pressure that you put on him, see each other on a specific day, and his little brain isn't happy so his body isn't responding.
In a few weeks or months you'll back with the same issue...his unrelability. Think about the pay off, whare is it for you? All what you have is uncertainty.
This guy is for the birds!!!
Seriously, why are you even bothering?
If nothing else, his answer about this not being that casual shows that he has a COMPLETELY different definition of casual from you, and from the rest of the world for that matter, I'd say.
Maybe he's just not capable of giving you what you're looking for. I'd just leave it at that and move on.
Sheri
Please, please, please listen to the other posters who said that you're putting way too much work into this. If a guy wants to be with you, he will be with you. Period, end of story. The fact that you have to even request one day a week is a huge red flag. I'm all for giving the benefit of the doubt but if he wanted you, you would have no doubts, no negotiations. It would just be happening.
Keep strong and do what you know is right. You know we'll be here when you need us.