I am so stupid

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2005
I am so stupid
9
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 10:20am

Seriously... How stupid can someone be?
I started dating my BF 3 months ago. This was our first V-Day. He's told me stories about how he was romantic with his ex-wife etc so I figured I would at least get a happy v-day or some flowers... NOTHING. He emailed me in the morning askin me to do something... no HVD. I emailed him back and said it... no reply... I sent him an e-card... nothing. He comes over... I CALL him and say it he actually says it back. He comes over so we can go to dinner... no flowers, NOTHING. I give him his gift... Now I feel like a schmuck.

How could I have been so stupid. He doesn't like me. I should have seen it before. We had a talk after a month of being together and he said he cared about me but at that point no more than a friend. Well eventhough I thought that had changed I guess it hasn't. If a guy doesnt want to celebrate vday with you I guess thats his way of saying "look I'm not that into you". I asked him this morning to just say "I like you" and he did. Big whoop.

Now I just dont know what to do. I guess either break up with him or be his FWB. How can someone hurt someone else like that on VDAY? He knew I thought of VDAY as a big holiday. I guess he didn't want to give me flowers and have me think that he actually likes me.

Well thats my little rant for the day... I had to let it out because I'm so emotional over this right now.

Thanks for listening.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 11:54am
Whatever you do, don't be his FWB. He told you loud and clear that he only like you as a friend (or FWB). But you chose not to ignore his verbal and non verbal statements, hoping it will turn into something more. If you become his FWB, you will always be wanting more and will become very frustrated with him. There is no such thing as winning a guy over with sex.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2005
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 1:49pm
He said that months ago. Since then we have become GF and BF
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 3:12pm

Are you sure he knew V Day was such a big deal to you? Communication is important.

,
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 3:43pm

I think instead of looking at the fact that he didn't buy you a gift on this one stupid holiday manufactured by greeting card and chocolate companies that you need to look at how he treats you as a whole and how happy you are with things and him. If he otherwise treats you great and you are happy with the relationship, are you seriously going to break up with him b/c he didn't buy you a present on a sappy holiday when he treats you great the other 364 days of the year? Valentines Day is generally not a big deal to most guys. He might have done all these romantic things for his ex, but guess what? She's the ex. She was probably REALLY into Valentines Day and he knew he'd better dish it up otherwise he was in trouble. Had you told him that you were really into V-Day and that you were expecting to do something romantic? If not, you can't expect him to read your mind and know how much it meant. Have you communicated to him that you are mad that he didn't do anything? Again, how's he supposed to know?

Before you throw away this relationship or say that he's not into you, think about it and see if every other day you spend with him has been good and enough to consider keeping things up. You're not a FWB at this point just because he didn't buy you a gift!

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 5:27pm

The OP posted on another board before this all happened about how unromantic he is and how she has tried talking to him about it but nothing has changed. I think this was just kind of the last straw for her since she was already frustrated about that issue.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 5:38pm
Good to know. So that supports my theory that if she's not happy in other ways, then this is an issue but if this is the only thing he does wrong, blow it off. But if he is generally unromantic and not meeting her expectations and needs, then yes, he is a jerk! :-)

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 6:00pm

Well, I don't know that he's necessarily a "jerk" just because he's not romantic...but he's not the right guy for HER unless she can accept his "as is", that's for sure.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 6:12pm
True. Some people don't need a lot of romance but if she does, then this could be a sticking point. We all have to have our level of tolerance for certain things.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2005
Thu, 02-16-2006 - 12:19pm

Hi All,

Thanks to those who replied to my venting session yesterday. Just to clarify he told me a month INTO our relationship that he thought of me as a friend and someone who he was dating and cared about. That was MONTHS ago and things have changed since then. We are BF and GF and we spoke and he DOES have feelings for me.
Although I think that it sucked that he didn't get me flowers for v-day he did take me out to dinner and did spend it with me even though he "doesn't celebrate it" and my "birthday is the holiday that he really celebrates". He went out to dinner with me and spent it with me because he knew it was important to me when he doesnt like the holiday at all.
I am happy with him and we care about eachother. There are some bumps, we both have been hurt alot but he deals with my "craziness" and I deal with his guardedness...We are always growing as a couple and I'm going to live in the moment and be happy with him.
Thank you to the poster about the "other 364 days of the year" I am used to being treated well at first, dwept off my feet and then destroyed later. This guy is different. He does treat me well and although there is no sweeping there is consistency and kindness and he does do things that he knows will make me happy even though he doesn't necesarily enjoy them lol. In all he does treat me well.
Anyway thank you all so much