I am sooooo through with all MEN!!!

Avatar for greta2863
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
I am sooooo through with all MEN!!!
22
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 3:47pm

Well this isn't a question, just my two cents on what I think of the male species. I swear I could write a book on all the screw up guys I have met in my life. Anyways, I am 36 years old and never been married with no kids. I have had 3 serious relationships in my life and lately have been meeting jerk after jerk. They are either liars, want just sex (which I don't give it up easily), weird, or just play games left and right. This past guy I thought was soooo different. Granted, we only went out 4 times but I thought I had found a winner. I had such a good time with him. He was married once and got divorced back in 2000. Since then he had an ex girlfriend he was living with up until 8 months ago. She has two teenagers from a previous marriage and they were living in his house. 8 months ago he kicked her out of his house. He never really talked alot about his past relationships with me much but when he did talk about his ex girlfriend (not the one he was married to...the one with the 2 teenagers,) he said she was a very jealous person and he just couldn't take it. I guess she was blaming him for things that was never his fault. One time he said there was a tank top laying on his bed and she didn't know who's it was, so she blamed him of seeing someone else.


Ok, so I met him at a bar and I swore I would never meet any "good" guys at bars, but I thought "hey maybe I just did." He was such a gentleman with me. Our first date he met me out for dinner and paid. The next time we went out to dinner again and saw a movie and he paid. I offered to pay some because I feel hey it is 2007, I work too..I was just being nice. He thought that was nice of me and I paid for the movie. The third time I went to his house and he made me dinner. It was AWESOME!!! I did keep thinking to myself "this is way too good to be true." But I was on cloud 9 and really getting to like him. He would text me in the mornings and say how he had such a good time and I was really nice and he likes me alot. Well the 4th date was his birthday. I was so happy to be spending the day with him. I took him out to dinner and paid, plus I baked him a cake and got him

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-1999
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 4:10pm

I appreciate the need to vent sometimes - do it myself. However, making ALL men responsible for things that only a few did is not fair to men in general nor to yourself.

Toni

Avatar for greta2863
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 4:25pm

Toni,


Thanks for the reply but it seems to me that you are saying this is all my fault. I have EVERY right to be mad at this guy. Before this happened I didn't come across in any way, shape or form that I don't trust men at all. I was attracted to him for many reasons..he was nice, cute, interesting, funny...etc. Yes, I have been hurt in the past and it is really hard to get out there and date knowing it could happen again. Maybe I say I am through with all men now, but I know that isn't the case. But it just seems like your bashing me as a person and you don't even know me. I am a kind and loving person. When I am out with a guy I never show that it may be hard for me to trust guys and that I have met alot of jerks. But this guy is just another addition to all the jerks I have met. And I am DONE..for now at least. I don't feel I need to do any soul searching or change myself. Maybe I just need to understand men better. Right now I am really angry and don't want to be around any males for a while. And yes, I do know not all men are the same. But you have to admit, the

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 4:28pm

You can't know after 4 dates if someone is a winner, you don't even know each other at that point. People are on their best behavior the first 4 months or so.

If you are meeting guys that do the same thing over and over again, the common denominator is that is you. Maybe look inside yourself to see why you are attracting the same types over and over again.

He didn't ask you to pay for dinner for his bday or anything else, YOU chose to do that, no he should not pay you back for that, that was all on you and it was your choice. A gift is usually given because you want to give one not that you expect anything in return.

No its not easy getting jealous over a guy we like, unless we are insecure with ourselves. Getting jealous over something like that has nothing to do with him, (you had only been on 4 dates) that jealousy is your issue not his. If you get jealous over something like that then you need to find out where that jealousy comes from and fix it. If someone had acted that way to me after only 4 dates I would think twice about asking that person out again.

After dropping you off he didn't say he would call you, ask you out again or anything, you had only been on 4 dates he owes you nothing (it would have been nice if he would have told you) which he did because you texted him, so he responded.

It doesn't really matter what the reason is it wouldn't change the outcome. Next time take things slower, and see where things go.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 4:44pm

I think it's important to look at what is our responsibility in a relationship and what's not, and take responsibility for the things we should, but not for the things we shouldn't.

Avatar for greta2863
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 4:44pm

What is this??? Both

 

Avatar for greta2863
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 4:52pm
Thank you Sheri for your reply. I agree with everything you said. Yes, I didn't have to buy him dinner for his birthday or bake him a cake or buy him a present but I did. I think in the future I am going to have that mindset with men. I agree. 4 dates with a man isn't long enough to know if he is the one. I definitely think it takes much longer. It just seems like the previous posters meant this was all my fault. I don't think I did anything wrong. He is the one that resorted to a text to tell me he doesn't want to date me anymore. I am just really bitter now and I am sure it will wear off. I just need time alone. I am by no means saying I know it all when it comes to dating and there are some things I very well should change about myself when I am in a relationship, but I feel that the other two posters were wrong in their assumptions that I need to change me as a person. Thanks for being a little softer with me Sheri. I will take your advice to heart.

 

Avatar for northwestwanderer
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 5:01pm

Hey, it's a learning process!

Avatar for greta2863
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 5:04pm
Thanks again. I know I am not always going to like what others say. That's life, right. I didn't know life would be this hard. Oh well, things will get better I hope soon. Take care.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 5:12pm

No one is attacking you, you asked for opinions and that is what you get some you will like and some you won't, take what works and leave the rest. We have not stated it was your fault. You can't control what someone else does, only what you do.

You stated that when you are upset you show your emotions....do you think he could have picked up on your jealousy even though you told him you were fine? I know I have picked up on stuff even though someone says nothing is wrong or everything is ok.

Yes he had fun with you and he probably liked you or he wouldn't have asked you out 4 times, but he decided to get back with his ex-gf and that has nothing to do with you or anything you did, that was his choice and it probably wasn't planned on his part. My point is you have gotten so upset over something with someone that you only had 4 dates with, take things slow, watch, keep your guard up, get to know someone first, and realize that what someone else does is not a reflection on you or what you have or haven't done, they make their own choices. Accept that and continue on with your life, be good to yourself, and be happy with yourself. Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 5:13pm

He's male.

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