I become the "Ice-Queen" with b/f
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| Sun, 06-27-2004 - 10:20pm |
We have been through so much in the short time we have been together (2 years), and have overcome many obstacles - some obstacles still need to be addressed. I would like to clarify that NONE of our issues were to do with infedility, that was never a problem with us.
From my side of things the issues are mostly to do with his unemployment, or failure to put plans into actions instead of words. I am hard working, independent and financially stable. I have always been self-achieving and nothing was given to me, I worked for every nickel. Without getting into it too much, my b/f comes from a well-to-do family who has helped him periodically through out his life (for more info see my previous message under relationship solver on June 24). His family has since cut him off for the most part and has left him to fend for himself - I couldn't agree more on their decision. Because of my value system, I find it difficult to respect him at times...I have spoken with him on many occasions, he is very much aware of my feelings in regard to his lack of motivation. He is insistent that he will succeed and he indeed has similar values, wants as I do, and that we can achieve them together - yet I remain skeptical. I have heard this from him many times in the past 2 years. I will say this on his behalf, he does seem to be trying much harder this time around. His arguement is that he hit an "emotional glitch" in his life and has since worked it out and is now ready to move on.
My b/f would like us to move in together and be married within the year. I do love him and I believe he loves me. He would like me to move into his house and make it "our house" (his words)...I have a stipulation to this, it is that he has to fix up the bathroom and finish one of his bedrooms prior to me moving in (he has been working on this project since I have known him), I have said this a couple of times and have since dropped the discussion, it is now up to him to decide whether or not he wants to grant my request.....for me, motivation extends into all aspects of your life, not only in the workplace, if he cannot finish a job he starts, how is he able to maintain a relationship? It is almost ironic because he always wants to have open communication, he says he will/would do absolutely ANYTHING for our relationship, yet what keeps me back is his lack of drive. If this was in place, I would have as close to the perfect man as possible, he is very affectionate, caring, compliments me, tells me I am beautiful, intelligent, that he is incredibly lucky to be with me, that he loves me with all his heart and is committed to me for life..yet...I find it hard to believe when he cannot strive to work towards a better future for the both of us....?
This is what keeps me back from expressing my feelings for him, from moving forward...I find myself shutting down, it is very difficult for me to talk to him. Not because of him, but because of me. He always wants to talk about what is bothering me, he is insistent about open communication, but now I find myself tired of talking, I want action. Like I have told him many times before, action speaks louder than words, do not tell me what you are going to do, show me. In some sense, I feel a little sorry for him, because I am very cold at times. Like I said earlier, I find myself shutting down. When I am feeling the pressure of this issue, I find myself wanting to go home, I cannot look at him, touch him etc. He has many wonderful qualities and is not a lazy man. He does many things through out his day, such as running errands for his family or myself, even tending to his grandmothers' lawn and garden or driving her to appointments,etc. I love that quality about him. I cannot help but wonder why I am bothered so very much by his lack of work ethic...I realize no one is perfect (and I most certainly am not) why can't I appreciate everything else about him and accept him for who he is?
Well, I definitely did NOT intend to write this much. Thanks for reading.
I wish everyone happiness.
Cheers,
