I can't believe I cried!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2003
I can't believe I cried!
6
Thu, 11-25-2004 - 10:09am

I met this guy quite a few months ago when we worked on an event together. I am a marketing manager for an events company and he is also a marketing manager for a magazine which we had a contract with. He used to come to my marketing meetings and we often used to chat for a little while afterwards.

I never thought anything of him, mainly because he looks so young (I am 31) and I thought he was about 22, but he is actually 28 (which is MUCH better!) Then I performed in a musical in the evenings in October. Although he didn't come and see it, he sent me an email asking how it went and where the pictures were! I was amazed. So, naturally I started thinking about this guy and saw him as a potential investment! :)
Anyway, we have been in contact via email a bit - usually I need something from him or have thanked him for something. He always writes back (usually a one or 2 liner!)

I had to visit his offices on Tuesday for another meeting with a guy from another division and said I would pop in to collect one of his magazines afterwards as my company had an advert in it. He made me tea and we went upstairs to sit at the pool area and chatted for about one and a half hours! I am having a dreadful time at work with my boss and he was so understanding and supportive. Anyway, we kissed goodbye (on the lips!) and I left. Then, yesterday I had a meeting with my boss afterwhich I broke down into floods of tears. The first person I called was this guy 'cause I had briefed him on the situation the previous day. So I figured the less explaining I had to do the easier it was to talk. He was amazing. Totally supportive and told me to call him anytime. I sent him an email yesterday afternoon to thank him for his help and to tell him my marketing meeting in the afternoon went really well. To which he replied: "Good girl - Head up always okay!!!"

I really like him, but felt that I have shown such a vulnerable side of myself which is SO not like me. In fact, I am too headstrong and independent which is half the reason why I'm single!! I called him about work today and we didn't mention yesterday - in fact I was a little bit cross 'cause I wasn't happy with something in the advert. I have subsequently got a call from his boss about my concern over the ad and it's all sorted out.

I'm not sure if this guy likes me or not. When we are together in person he is divine! But he doesn't call me to set up a date or anything. Very weird.. He has resigned from his job and was going overseas in Jan, but some other job locally has come up which has put a huge spanner in the works, so he may be staying here afterall.

Any insight into this would be so much appreciated!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Thu, 11-25-2004 - 1:07pm
This guy wants to hang out with you and he does it at his own convenience. If he wanted to date you he'd have asked you out on a formal date already. He's just into the casual e-mail of 2 liners and that's it. Don't waste more time in this guy, there is NO potential for something serious.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2004
Thu, 11-25-2004 - 2:41pm
He may be seeing someone or he may have just gotten out of a relationship. Has he mentioned anything of the sort?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2003
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 2:29am

Apparently not... I know this 'cause when he originally told me he was going overseas I asked him if he was leaving anyone behind (we hadn't spoken a lot at this stage, so it didn't seem odd to ask the question). To which he said "no". I am also in a lot of contact with his colleagues and no-one has mentioned a girlfriend.

I can't say I'm losing any sleep over this, just a bit disappointed that things aren't moving faster considering the great rapport we have..... But as they say... slower is better...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2004
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 3:53am
Faraway girl,
Bellina here! I can totally understand how confused,and yet attracted you are
to this fellow.Especially since having similar career paths,chatting up
comfortably and responds via emails.All I can tell you luv,is that if you're curious
as to whether he's unattached,ask him discreetly thru a luncheon meeting. Go casual
arrange this in an inexpensive eatery,if he's receptive to your invite you'll know.See
how he feels if you get this friendly date. Casually bring up or make a joke,guess
all your girlfriends find you so charming.See how he reacts,whether he lets you know
that he's unattached is up to him.You've also let him know you're thinking of him in
a romantic way,and want to know his status.If he wants you to,hopefully he'll be
open to seeing you.I've had a similar situation,R. and started as friends,met
in my art/design business,had lot's in common,chatted on breaks after meetings,later
exchanged phone #'s,our best conversations were thru this.After a month,of this friendly
phon relationship,I casually said it would be super to meet for lunch.He being a trifle
shy,said great and arranged this.After several daytime encounters,we'd decided to
date after work,evenings and I was bold enough to ask him if he'd been seeing anyone..He let me know that not presenttime,but had a relationship which ended several months earlier.We took things slow,were compatible,later had a nice romance,sadly ended.This
due to him moving permanently to eastcoast,me on westcoast,things were too complicated,
he was totally work involved,never had time,etc..P.S. he said he'd met someone,distance
was our enemy,and his heart strayed,not mine.Now over him and many tears and months have
passed.Presently in a nice relationship with someone here in west,a really caring,decent
good-looking,hardworking fellow,not yet at the I luv you declarations,but are exclusive
and told me recently he's ready for something serious.Thank God,I'm forty something,but
feeling like a young gal when I'm with him,luv has that affect.!Never assume as they saying goes, ask if you feel this attraction is mutual,don't ponder you're too assertive.Todays times men actually prefer a directness,unless they're afraid
of a close relationship,or involved and don't want to divulge this.Then he'd not
be worth the trouble,unless the other gal was only a friend,not love potential.
You sound very intelligent,likeable and probably attractive. There's no reason he
shouldn't pursue you,if not then timing may not be right. If you value him as a
friend,perhaps you give him time to see if he wants more than friendship.If onefinds it too difficult to be only friends and you're falling hard,don't wait to get your
heart broken in two.Best wishes, British pal,Bellina
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2003
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 5:10am

Believe it or not I have already suggested meeting him for lunch last week. I had to pick up image CD's at his offices, so I suggested I go through over lunch time. He agreed on the phone, but sent me an email about half an hour before lunch saying he couldn't make it. To which I replied "no problem I can collect them another time" then he replied... "Sorry I can't make lunch T but I have far to much to do at work right now.
Can we catch up later this week perhaps?"

So I said "sure" but reckoned I'd wait for him to propose the meeting. Well, no offers as yet! I had to go through to meet a colleague of his to sign off copy on Tuesday and met up with him afterwards. We had a great chat and as he is leaving the company, he asked for my business card and said "i want to keep contact with the people important to me". I reckon the ball's in his court.... I really think I have done my bit surely???

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2004
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 6:56pm
Hello again,
Bellina Fair here! We're on the same wavelength as far as lunch meetings go,and
so glad he stated you're in his important type people! This sounds promising,as
you say the ball is now more than ever in his court. Till he settles in his new
job,surroundings give him time.Someone you feel has all the right qualities,be it
emotionally,intellectually,physical appeal,a comfort level in conversing can
be so worth the wait.However if he doesn't call you in several weeks,I'd think of
calling,let him know you're still around,chat casually.Then see if he suggests
a get together in the near future.Phonecalls back and forth can be quite good in getting
more information,to his character,and if he's truly wanting to date presently.Perhaps
his new schedule,doesn't allow him time for more than friends.Hope he'll keep his
communication in the meanwhile going.This can lead to more...Bellina