I Can't Believe This Sh**!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
I Can't Believe This Sh**!!!
5
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 2:17pm
Well if I wasn't over that Ex that kept haunting me for the past 6 months I'm definitely over him now!!!

As you may recall, I wrote to you and explained to you how I planned to read those old posts and letters to him one more time, then erase them forever as an attempt to get over him. I've tried everything from keeping busy to dating other men (I've since dumped 5 or 6 men after my Ex). I tried reading those old messages but I couldn't read past the topic line because I wasn't ready to face the music. . . .

Well I have a friend who works for an online dating site in their Marketing Department. Her job is to recruit people and get them to join her dating site. Well this friend suggested that I let her contact my Ex to engage him in conversation and to get him to sign up to the dating site.

Well she just had a lenghty chat with my Ex on yahoo IM and she forwarded the chat to my email account. To make a long story short, he responded to her email and said that she was beautiful and sexy. He must say this to all women because he said the same things to me.

Anyway, my friend asked him *So why are you single?* He said that he's *Too picky and selective . . .* So my friend probed further and asked what does he require in a female and he responded *Well not too much - someone who doesn't smoke, has no children, intelligent, classy, not skinny, a good dresser, has a good sense of humor, and has a nice personality.* Then my friend asked him *And you haven't found a woman like this???* My Ex responded *I didn't say all of that - I'm just taking my time. Just waiting for the right woman to come along . . .* Then my friend asked him *Oh so you have found someone who meets your requirements?* and he said no he has not met anyone who meets these requirements. WTF??

My friend also asked him how long has he been single and he was very vague and kept saying *I've been single for awhile . . .* Finally, my friend kept pushing the issue and he said *I've been single for a few years*. HE'S BEEN SINGLE FOR A FEW YEARS!!!???? He didn't even acknowledge our *relationship* that ended 6 months ago!!!!! I was hurt . . . . :-(

So my friend tried to find out what happened to his girlfriend or wife and he kept dodging the issue and kept saying that they broke up. Then he got defensive and demanded why my friend was asking him this. My friend said she was trying to see if she was a good match for him . . . . He then changed the subject and told her about his job, marital status, etc. (which was the same story he told me).

Before making her sales pitch, my friend said to my Ex *So you haven't had a girlfriend in years???? You haven't been with anyone in years??? You haven't had sex with anyone in years???* All he said was *No*, then asked where was her boyfriend . . . . . He also said that she meets his requirements even though she didn't tell him anything about herself other than her age and location. She even had a fake picture of a woman's face on her profile!!!!

Finally, she asked him whether he's seeking a serious relationship or a casual one. He said he's looking for a serious relationship.

Needless to say he signed up for the dating service.

Please discuss fully . . . :-(

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 6:07pm
The question is: Why do you engage in these kind of games? What's your pay off if there any...It's over. Do more productive things with your time than hunting down your ex's actions. Let him say and do what he pleases and you go on with your life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2004
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 4:55pm
Most of us have been in your situation. There are too many men out there who consider others, including their spouse, disposable! It's enough to make you scream. I couldn't believe the sh**!!! either. You can either take years to let it go, or force yourself to let it go right now. He didn't deserve you. He plays games, like he did with your friend, and probably did all along. Letting go does not mean forgiving the SOB. It means that you no longer give a darn about him. He no longer has the power to upset you. As long as you are keeping him in your thoughts, your inner sunshine can't get out! It's easier said than done to "let go", but you can do it. I had a friend whose violent ex was stalking her. She prayed to God that he would meet another woman to divert him. When he did, the stalking stopped. You might pray that he will get caught at his game by someone he "wants", then let it go. Drop it like it like the dirty diaper that it is. He is not worthy of your attention. Just remember, he doesn't know how distressed you are, which is good, and he doesn't care. Please tell yourself about all the good qualities you possess, and smile! It's hardest to let go when you are in the situation, but it's the most important time to do it, before his actions eat you alive.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 8:13pm

Well, hopefully, you got the push you need to let this go.

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 12:08am
Thank you hon your message is very inspiring. It's certainly time to let this anger go and to start taking care of ME! I know this may sound selfish but it's true. Obviously he could care less if I live or die!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 12:10am
Thank you Jilly. Like they say, the truth hurts. I guess that's why snooping is so discouraged? Well, in any event, I'm going to take your later option and find someone else better - that is after I take a break from the dating scene . . . . .