i can't believel it happened.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2004
i can't believel it happened.
4
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 8:18am
it happened. he broke up with me.

we had been dating for a while, and it seemed really great. we both were really into each other, and never fought.. until last Saturday. he seemed to have been avoiding me all weekend since Friday, saying he didn't know if we could hang out or not because he had a lot of work to do, and i was getting upset over it, so i brought it to his attention. i could have done it in a nicer way, and that is one of the reasons why i am kind of blaming myself. i did get a little too angry over it, but he was going out and he hadn't seen me in a week, and i figured he'd want to take his girlfriend with him. but he didn't invite me. so he said we would go out and talk about it on Sunday. we did. he took me out to lunch. he didn't seem mad, and i wasn't either. i apologized for getting so upset and that i shouldn't have blown up like i did. and he said that he really should have asked if i wanted to go. so it was like we made up, and everything was great. then, he took me out to shoot pool, and we went back to my place. i was so happy, because i thought for sure that he was going to break up with me. then, he came out and said it. he said that he thought we should go back to being friends; that he was going to tell me at lunch, but he was too much of a wimp. he had been thinking about it since that Friday. he said he wasn't ready for a relationship, and that he didn't know why. he said he still liked me very much, and stressed greatly on the fact that he still wanted to talk to me and be my friend: "i don't want to leave here and never talk to you again; not have you call me, or me call you and you not pick up, or never go and hang out places with you anymore. you are one of my best friends." he said he didn't know when he'd be ready, and that i could hold out hope, but he wouldn't stand in the way if i found someone else better.

but i don't think that is what it really is... he is very weird about "love", and he hardly ever says it pertaining to anything. i had been his longest relationship he's ever had, and i think that maybe he was starting to really like me, and he didn't know how to manage those feelings. i only feel this way because he couldn't give me any legitimate reasons why he didn't feel he was ready to have a relationship. i want to talk to him about it, but i don't know if it's such a good idea. i do want to be friends with him, if that's what it comes down to, and i don't want to pry. i hate prying. but, i feel that there is more to this. but i also think that i am being silly and i should just suck it up and move on. i really don't know which i should do.

could someone give me advice??
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 8:50am
sammywhammy86...

Pianoguy thinks you have an 'interesting' name!

Your post indicated that your (now EX) B/F was "very weird about love" and that you were the longest relationship he has ever had. Do you suppose he might be 'programmed' to believe that there's a limited time frame when it comes to being with a woman? There ARE men who (to avoid getting too serious or exclusivity) will 'terminate' a relationship, no matter how good it happens to be?

It's a shame your quarrel triggered the split. But why not give the man 2 weeks of "alone time" before you write him off? If he's REALLY sincere about keeping the friendship, you know he's either going to call or email you. But trying to analyze (or scrutinize) his behavior might end up messing up the possibility of a reconciliation?

I realize you probably want "closure" or some sort of explanation...(most women usually do), but I'm not quite sure if the relationship you've had is completely over? Give the man some space for at least a couple weeks...okay?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 10:22am
I agree with Pianoguy. Give this guy a little space, guys need that. And it drives them crazy when we finally do. In a few weeks if you haven't heard from him, which I am sure you will, call him up and see how he is doing. But don't call him for a while. It will be hard but keep yourself busy doing other things. Go for a walk, workout, dinner and a movie with the girls. Find something to do. Who knows, you may find you don't need him back as much as you thought.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2003
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 3:28pm
I, too, agree with giving him a little time. This also happened in my relationship, so I gave him a few weeks and just left him alone. From what I've seen, men sometimes tend to work out their insecurities and doubts by distancing themselves from their partners. A little distance can yield a lot of clarity. Perhaps you could use this time to reflect on your relationship with him as well. At least, that's the way it worked for me. Good luck to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2004
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 4:31pm
i agree with piano and beer... stay away from him... no contact at all... no calls, no seeing him... no hangin out with his friends... like nada zippo... for as long as it takes... he will be back... and when he does come back, ask him what went wrong... and if he doesnt come back, then it wasnt meant to be and move on... dont sit around waiting for him...