I can't help but notice the ratio of....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2003
I can't help but notice the ratio of....
4
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 10:27am
....male to female writers on most of these message boards. This is just a general thought and I would appreciate any input on this subject matter. Is it just me or does it seem like the women are always doing all the worrying/fretting in relationships? Why is it that the women are always the ones who have to "work" at keeping a guy interested and playing by all these tired/boring rules. Do guys spend as much time on this relationship stuff as we females do? Do men put as much thought and time and work and worrying into trying to keep the women interested? And if not, then why should we put soo much effort into this if we are only getting half in return. Just a thought. I am curious to anyone's responses on this. I think the high percentage of female writers to male writers is a pretty good example of my point here. Seems as though women put a lot more thought into this and are "required" to be the understanding, long-suffering, sacrificing partner in order to keep things going. Doesn't seem quite fair to me. How many ladies out there are sick of the effort involved in all this? And how many men out there agree/disagree?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 10:48am

Well, Ivillage is a site marketed and directed at women, so it's not surprising that there are more women on this site!

Avatar for growl1971
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 11:43am
i am a man.

i can't speak for other men on this board, but i will say this, i believe women do fret and worry more about relationship issues. UNTIL, until, we men really find someone who we are truly, truly, truly interested in. that's why i'm here. as you know, a man's fear of rejection is sometimes greater than a woman's. so, i've found good insight to the woman's mind on this board, it helps, it really does.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 4:20pm
That's funny, because I've often realized that myself. I think women worry more than they should and men don't pay attention as much as they should. And therein the problem lies. Also, I think women are more open to talk about their feelings whereas men would rather play the tough guy and keep everything inside. I think of it this way; women have connections with one another because they open up and men miss out on many good friendships and connections because they don't. It's just another example of how men and women are totally different. You know what else I've noticed, a 5 month mark where men get weird. I've read sooooo many posts with women saying that they've been dating someone for 5 months and everything was great but NOW... Is that when men freak out and think they need to back off or what? Seems like it to me, so I made a mental note to myself to watch out when I start dating someone and we hit that 5 month mark.

P.S. By the way, isaturn, I posted another discussion about Bob (remember the really really long post?) and I followed your advice. Check out my new post and tell me what you think. It's called "Bob update for those who read 1st post) and it's probably on the second set of posts, not on the first page. You had good advice, so I'd like some input from you. Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 5:15pm
Sheri, Gatorgirl and Growl were all right-on in their responses. IVillage is a web site directed at women, so of course there would be more women posting here about their relationships, and everything else.

But I also agree with you... I believe that women think more, worry more, analyze more, assume more, and generally make a bigger "fuss" over their relationships... even the casual ones. It's a basic difference between men and women. But like Growl said, men DO worry, plot, plan, obsess and care about their relationships ONCE THEY FALL for a woman. In fact, my observation is that when men do fall, they often fall harder than women... meaning it takes them longer to actually get over a failed love affair. Women seem to move on a little quicker.

My problem with "us" (women) is that we start obsessing and over-analyzing things way too soon. What you are reading on this board is a lot of posts from women who have only been seeing a man for a few WEEKS or months, and already they are worrying about why their "boyfriend" is acting so strange. Most of the time, the man doesn't even know he's a boyfriend!! He's only been dating this girl a little while and he isn't thinking of her as someone he plans to be with for the longterm. But the woman has been thinking of him as a mate from Date One. Big mistake.

Sex early on in a dating situation tends to confuse things. Because many women feel that once she has had sex with a man, he is "obligated" to be in a serious relationship with her. Another mistake, and a major difference in the male and female wiring.

I think one of the biggest differences is simply that women like to talk about relationship issues more. Men seem to want to take the ostrich approach... if he doesn't talk about it, maybe the problem will go away.

Women DO tend to be the caretakers of any relationship, even in marriage. It's nothing new... I don't know if this responsibility is imposed on us by society or something that we volunteer for because of our "nurturing" natures.


Edited 3/2/2004 5:16 pm ET ET by jilly73