I can't make up my mind...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2004
I can't make up my mind...
1
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 10:46am
I met this guy at a club and we have gone out since. I didnt want to be serious with a man i met in a club but he seems so passionate and serious about things, so I give my heart out to him. He quit smoking, and after couple of bad fights after we both drink too much, he decided not to drink for a month. The day he started drinking again, we went out together to a club, the place was dead but he was happy and starting to drink alot. I was very lonely and bored hanging out with him in the club since the place was kinda dead. While i was sitting waiting for him to bring some drinks over, i saw him playing some girls's hair. I walked over and decided to ask him why, he said his friend put his hand over her head to play a joke. I didnt go further while he turned around and walked away and seems pissed by my question. Then hour later, he got up and dancing after he refused to he said no to my friend who asked him to dance with me since i was bored. I explained to my friend that he's having a good time since it's his day one of drinking again, but as soon as i looked over, he was already dancing with some girl, might have been his coworker. at first, i didnt think it was a big deal, but then he kept going and started to dance down on the floor. I only have seen him dance like dat with me few month ago when he first met me. My friend suggest that he will go talk to my boyfriend about it, but i stopped my friend and told him not a big deal till i see my boyfriend and this girl started to talk ear to ear. I got up and punched him in the face and called him names and left the club and took all my stuff out of his apartment and wrote him a letter stating we no longer together and sorry for the punch part the next day. As days go on, i miss all the good times we have spend together, i miss how we used to party together, i miss how much he used to be so happy that he's with me. Now he's gone, pissed and angry about me hitting him in the public. i talked to him afterwards and he doesnt think he did anything wrong but i was being controlling. I felt bad and i begged him for a answer either stay work things out or just cut this off, cuz i can't go on another day wondering if i have made a right decision or not. He said i am lacking of trust over him, but I am trying since he's very flirtious with women, and sometimes seems to like to play mind games....oh, well, we finally sat down and talked about things over one day after work and he told me he wants something causal, and i disagree, and then he said he wants to start over, not necessary breaking up. I agreed but he seems sooo cold, yet not exactly letting it go. He's going to UK for business for a week next week and he's planning on spend summer at hamptons, no longer mention if i was included, and i'm afraid to ask cuz he would be pissed. after a day of silence, i finally asked him to meet up with me after work today. He didnt say yes, but joking about me sounding serious...i have such bad feeling about this, can anyone tell me what to do in a situation like this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 12:08pm
wingstress...

It sounds like YOU expected more from this man than he did of you? If he can easily "play with a girl's hair"...it's probably just as easy for him to "play" with other parts of her anatomy!

You might want to set your sights on a man who ONLY WANTS YOU? Most women I know have a boiling point. In other words, if their b/f or husband starts to get a little too familiar with another woman...his wife or g/f will let the man know he has crossed the line! Even the most understanding woman will start sending out signals that she doesn't approve of a guy's behavior...especially when it comes to a potential rival!

If this sounds like YOU...stop dwelling on your past good times and instead...find yourself a man who will embrace you in the future...as well as in the present! There are still a few of us left, believe it or not?

A guy (or woman for that matter) can express affection for someone else the first time or two, but the only way to be sure that affection is sincere...IS TO GET TO KNOW HIM (OR HER) OVER TIME.

The song: "To Know Him Is To Love Him" doesn't work in your situation because this man you dated was a 'major-league flirt' wearing a pair of dancing shoes!

Pianoguy