I can't woo a single woman !

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
I can't woo a single woman !
3
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 4:35am
I have always been a guy who is very Introvert, shy takes time to break that Ice as far as getting closer to person that I meet it is not at my will that I can do it, It has to be a conscious effort on my part and which sometime infact most of the time doesn’t work so I am not that typical guy who in the very 1st meet with his Aura or that flamboyant character can captivate the other person a lot of times I feel I am one of those so very ordinary, run off the mill guy who cannot be a good company or a Entertainer to the people I meet even though I have a strong desire to Impress, mesmerize and captivate anyone with my Aura with my personality I guess I am too conscious about it but even being conscious and aware and despite putting some real conscious effort so far I have not been able to achieve that ability.

So when I Interact with a Girl I am always under that constant pressure to make her feel good, to make her feel on top of the world to make her feel good about me to sound funny as in a real entertainer to Impress her I always have that fear in my mind that at any point of time she should not feel Bored talking to me she should always feel Wow! What a Terrific Guy so by now you would have got an Idea that the Image I try to portray about myself in front of a girl, A image of a guy who is so larger than life who is so lively A man Ideal for all the situation, who is a James Bond (for whom even this world is not enough) and exactly the opposite happens everytime it backfires and backfires very badly I lose it and lose it miserably. A lot of girls have told me this that you never really Interest me I never really thought or found anything Interesting about you I never felt that I should know more about you as a person as a Friend they have also told me that they have come across guys with whom they have kind of spoken just for a day and have felt like going out on a Date with them the very next day but with you we never felt anything like even asking anything about you forget love or marriage !! so what do I do.

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 8:28am
First off. Do you believe in using periods?

Just busting your chops. Any way, having read all you've written, the only advice I can give you is to just be yourself. Don't try to impress a woman by pretending to be someone you are not. Just smile, be friendly, be pleasant and most of all, just be yourself. Lots of girls love shy men. I do. I'll bet there is a woman right now whom you've attracted and she's just wishing you'd ask her out. Just be yourself and leave James Bond on the television set. You are not him. You are you and when you meet th right person, she will see that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 9:53am
I agree with the other poster, be yourself! I get the sense from your post that when you meet women you bury your own personality - b/c you think it's not good enough and won't attract women - and you put on a show, trying too hard to make them like you. Well, I'm CERTAIN that shows through. I have dated guys like that and it is a real turn off. HUGE turn off. I never go on second dates (or even first dates) with guys like that. I don't want someone who is pretending to be someone he's not.

I think you need to stop telling yourself that your personality and who you are is not good enough. Trust me, there are women out there who will like you just as you are, but they won't like you if they don't get to see who you are b/c you're so busy putting up a facade. I truly believe there is someone for everyone. Do you?


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2004
Sat, 04-17-2004 - 1:32pm
I agree with everyone else: be yourself. Nothing is more of a turn off than watching a guy make an arse of himself trying to be someone he isn't... and being obvious about it (even if he doesn't realize it). You're trying too hard - stop!

Just go in with the attitude, "if it's meant to be, it'll be ok, and if it's not meant to be, nothing will come of it, and that'll be ok too." Don't just focus on one person either. Date several women at one time. (Dating = going out places. Not sleeping with...) However, make it known that you're "out there" dating and they'll get the clue that they aren't the only one on your agenda, which will make you look "not-so-eager" and remove the psycho stalker from hell stigma. (Referring to calling all the time, etc.)

They'll also see that you're honest, and not trying to hide other potential relationships from them. If they're in to you, and taking you seriously, this will be a good thing because they won't think you're "cheating" on them by not telling them about your other dates. It'll give them a challenge, too, because if they really like you - the REAL you - then they'll try harder to win you, instead of you always having to try so hard to win them. See? If they do end up getting upset about it, then politely decline any future plans with them. After all, who wants to date a jealous, emotionally immature grump-bucket?

If it doesn't work out, it's their loss, not yours. But one more rule of thumb: If you didn't have a nice time, don't suggest, "we should do this again sometime," and don't offer to "call (them) tomorrow." However, if you ARE interested, suggest going out again and offer to call them the next day... THEN DO IT.