I cheated on my BF. Should I tell him?
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| Thu, 10-07-2004 - 10:09am |
A couple of months ago I met another guy. He's a friend of my sister's BF and he moved in with them. We use to hang out together. We'd watch a movie, play cards, or play some kind of board game. I eventually started liking this guy and he started liking me.
Last week, I decided to break things off with my BF. I wanted more out of the relationship. I wanted to mean more to him and I didn't think I did. I wanted more of his time. I wanted him to make sacrafices for me when I was so willing to make sacrafices for him. But I didn't want to ask him for it. I didn't want to ask him to change for me. I've tried and he didn't listen. So I didn't expect things to work out. From the things he has said, I basically got the impression that his priorities (work and school) were more important to him than trying to make this relationship work.
So Friday night I called my BF up to break things off. But he didn't pick up. I wasn't aware of it at the time but he was at a concert. Just another thing he hadn't told me about. Well, later that evening I went to a club with my sister, her bf, and his friend. Afterwards, I spent the night at their place. I started out sleeping in the living room, but I ended up going into the other guy's room to lay down with him. Sometime in the night, we woke up kissing and continued kissing even after we were both awake. Things kind of moved from there. We didn't go all the way. I didn't let it go that far but I did let him touch me.
The next day, I tried breaking up with my BF. This time he listened to me and we ended up talking things out. He didn't want the relationship to end yet. He wanted to try working things out. He said he finally realized that he had been neglecting me and taking me for granted. He's willing to try to change all that. It came as a surprise to me. I didn't believe he would want to try to change. I hadn't felt like I was that special to him. So now we're still together. We're going to try to work this thing out. But there's still the fact that that one night happened and my BF doesn't know about it. I don't know if I should tell him. I believe he has the right to know. Technically, I did cheat on him. We were still together at the time.
I now realize that I only did what I did because I wanted to feel wanted. With the other guy, I felt wanted and I wasn't lonely. Also, I thought things were pretty much over between me and my BF. That's no excuse. I know. For we were still together even if I had intended on ending things.
Do I tell him and see where things go from there? If I tell him, I know he'll be hurt. I already lied to him. He had asked me if anything had happened between me and the other guy other than us just liking one another. I said no. There's was no point in hurting him anymore more than necessary. I had already broken up with him at the time.
Please help me. I'm not sure what's the best thing to do right now.
There's a few more things I should probably mention. I'm 22 yrs old. My BF is 20. The other guy is 29. I've been with my BF for the past 2 yrs and 5 months. I love him so much. He means so much to me. That's why I couldn't understand why I didn't seem to mean as much to him. He loves me too. I know he does. But I use to doubt him every so often. A lot of those times, it just didn't seem like it.

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I specifically said " If I were you I would not tell him"
What would you gain by telling him? And why do you feel like you owe him honesty when he does not even make time to see you?
You are an adult ( I'm assuming )
What you do with your own body is your own business, So I fail to see what is so important about you coming clean to him. Why do you feel like you owe him this?
IF he was being all that you need, Hell even some of what you need you probably would not have cheated on him in the first place. But then again you didn't even have sex with this other guy. So to me it really looks like you are fishing for attention.
What the hell go ahead and tell him, He'll probably really dump you then, And then you can post about " I told my BF I cheated and he dumped me"
At this point I would say,
Do what you think you need to. This is ULTIMATELY YOUR DECISION ANYWAY. I think it is silly. Do you think he is being faithful to you when you only see him once or twice a month? And has hencome clean to you? ...... I'll bet money he hasn't.....And I'm not a gambling woman in the least.
Don't tell him, DATE OTHERS
I think all the posts have given their opinion on whether or not to tell him- ultimately, it IS YOUR decision.
elvis in silence
Before I go, I just want to thank everyone for their thoughts and advice. I know a lot of you thought I should leave him. I admit, I know I deserve better but I love him and I feel that as long as he is willing to forgive me and to try to make things better, then this relationship is worth another shot.
I hope you all understand and don't judge me too harshly.
SX
My advice, in the future not to cheat, instead if you are unhappy and it's leading you in the same direction again, address the issues with your boyfriend or end the relationship, he deserves more respect than that.
Good Luck!
Good Luck
What did you do that you feel cheated? Nothing? I also agree that your focus to tell him what you did in the first place is for a reaction. Well you will definitely get a reaction, but I assure you, it won't be the one you want.
Sweetie...find a guy where your efforts are going to modes of spoiling him back, because he spoils you so much.
One day, you will be giving my same advice...Trust me.
Jodie
http://tickers.ticke
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