I do, he doesn't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2005
I do, he doesn't.
4
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 7:22pm

What would you do if a guy you have fallen in love with, does not see a future with you, but is interested in a friendship. Will you cut ties with him? If not, how often would you talk to him in such a scenario? Also, if you have never ever made love to him, would it be absolutely idiotic to go ahead and do that, even when he doesn't see a future with you. Please don't judge me. It was my dream to make love to him, and it hurts to think that it might never ever happen.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 7:45pm

No judgment--but yes, IMO, it would be foolish to sleep with him, because for most women, having sex with a man causes them to feel more bonded (due to the hormone oxytocin)...so you would be setting yourself up for even more pain.

And I would cut off contact until such time as you are over your romantic feelings for him. There are few things more painful than continuing to be in contact with someone for whom you have feelings that are not returned. You can reconnect as friends after you've gone through the grieving process and are over him.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2005
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 7:55pm
Thank you for your comment. I have always wondered, is it possible to think that we are over someone, but the moment we re-connect, the moment we hear that voice again, those feelings return, and it's back to square one? Can someone really get over a love, and still not feel anything, even after re-connecting?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 8:07pm

Yes, it definitely is possible. For example, I am now friends with a man I was with for 4 years--it took me 3 years to get over him, but now we talk as though we never lived together or were in love...we're just good friends now (we've been broken up for 9 years now). In fact, that reminds me, I need to call him to get him to bring his mom to my concert Saturday night ;-) (I'm friends with his mom, too).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2005
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 8:17pm

Wow, that's really cool. If I could, I would love to be friends. Afterall, why wouldn't we want someone we like so much, to be with us for a lifetime as a friend! It would be so ideal. It's these feelings that get in-between and make mince-meat out of everything. It's so ironic, that we sometimes have to totally lose the people we love? Like this guy from my past, my first love, I was with with him for 3 years....I reconnected with him recently. I have been thru couple of relationships since him (this was 8 years ago) and ofcourse I was over him I thought. But talking to him brought back all the old memories. I never called him again after that talk even though he wanted to stay in touch. I could hear my heart beating loud and still wanted to reach out to him in that silence and knew that if I kept speaking to him, I am bound to get my heart stirred again, and I could not do that.